Firecracker
by spinlight
Summary: I need serious therapy, I know that but look at my childhood! It’s clear I was going to head down crazy road whether I wanted to or not. Seddie.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** Come on, I don't own anything.

**Chapter One.**

Freddie's pov

I see her, even through the crowd of people, on the other side of the parking lot. She bounces up and down slightly, helping the wind send her blonde curls every which way as she animatedly tells Carly a story.

She's a firecracker. A sudden birth of loud violence that draws your attention in, after which you can't help but stare. Something memorizing and special existing in front of you but you have to be sure to keep the space between you and it. You and her. Never reach out, try to touch her or else she'll burn you quickly and effortlessly, without a second thought. And it's not her fault you know, that's just her nature.

She's untouchable.

It's taken me two years to get to this point, where I stare from afar (opposed to reaching distance where she could teach me how _'daydreaming can be bad for my health'_) and wax poetic about Sam Puckett in my head. I could tell you I don't know how it came to this, that these feelings of, well something more than annoyance and hate just snuck up on me out of nowhere but that isn't the case. It's been a slow evolution to my current mindset. Every minute and every day spent around the feisty hellcat and I hated her just a little less. Where I once saw fault, I now see quirk. And where I once saw just a pudding covered face, I now see… well a beautiful pudding covered face. To be fair though, she's finally learned some table etiquette so the moments where her face is covered in food are more far in between than before.

Now, what I can say is I honestly don't know why this is happening. It's unfair, is what it is. She hadn't really gotten any nicer, or anything. She still rips on me every chance she gets. Though, now in our junior year, she had to change up her material. My mom had finally calmed down, realized she couldn't protect me from everything out there in the world. I think I owe thanks to Dave, the guy she's been dating for awhile now. Since she's been with him, she's almost been like, I don't know, a normal mom. That's love for you, I guess.

What was I saying?

Oh, right. With her old jokes not packing the right punch anymore, Sam's now moved on to my love life, or lack therefore of. Constant quips about me being _'permanently dateless'_ and how I'll probably die an old widow. She's not wrong though, or at least not completely wrong. It's true I don't date, but it's not because I can't get a girl to go out with me. There have been offers, I just always refuse. It's not fair to them if we're at the movies or at dinner and I can't concentrate and hold a decent conversation because my head is so wrapped up in another person it's not even funny.

And it isn't funny. How brutally messed up is it that I can have this girl on my back, putting me in a headlock in attempts to get me to the nearest bathroom for a swirly (Yes, she still gives out swirlys. I only ever see her try it on me though) and I can only think about the fire dancing behind her eyes and just how blue said eyes are. How amazing her smile is when she is in the middle of beating the crap out of me. I need serious therapy, I know that but look at my childhood! It's clear I was going to head down crazy road whether I wanted to or not.

"It's finally happened, Carls. The dork's head couldn't take all that useless knowledge junk he shoves in there and it overloaded. He's completely brain dead now."

It's at this point I realize that the girl I had been staring at had disappeared from her spot across the parking lot while I was lost in thought and had reappeared next to me with Carly, wearing that smirk she always wore. The one that was both equally infuriating and endearing at the same time.

"You okay, Freddie?" Carly asks, slight worry apparent in her tone.

Sam laughs, putting her arm around my shoulder, letting her hand drift up to my hair to mess it up a bit. "Are you kidding me? Look at this haircut, he'll never be okay."

I send a scowl the blondes` way, trying to shrug off her arm which only tightens around my neck when I do so I give that up pretty quickly, not wanting this embrace to turn into a headlock. I wouldn't mind her arm around my shoulders so much if it wasn't for the God damn uncomfortable feeling that settles in my stomach whenever she gets a hold of me. Oh good, she's started to use both hands to mess up my hair, her fingernails dragging (not harshly, surprisingly) over my scalp while she treads through my hair, making it stick up.

I battle past the sensation, putting on that oh so indifferent façade I've been perfecting. "I had a big test sixth period and I didn't get much sleep last night." Which was true. I did have a big test in sixth period and I didn't get much sleep last night. What I didn't include was one had nothing to do with the other.

"Well, hopefully you uh, can get a good nights sleep, uh tonight." As I am watching Carly trying to not laugh in my face while she speaks, I can only imagine what Sam is doing and how ridiculous my hair looks right now. I look down at the blonde through my peripheral, thankful to puberty for the new height advantage even though it wasn't very much of an advantage against a girl like Sam, who walked around all the time large and in charge as if she was ten feet tall.

She looked deep in concentration, biting softly on her lower lip while she continued to muse my hair. This proves my point, though. The girl is standing here, working so hard to make me look like an idiot and I can't help but to let her do it, try not to stare at where her pearly whites sink into lip. Actually, I don't try and stop her because this is pretty tame. Let's say I call for her to stop messing up my hair, well then she just might. Yeah, she just might stop messing up my hair because she decided my arm would look better out of it's socket and held against my back.

After a moment, Sam decides she is done, her masterpiece is completed. She removes her arm from around my neck and takes a step back, next to Carly to look over her work. "You know what, I did you a favor, Fredward. If anything, I've just improved your appearance by ten fold, not that that's saying much."

Carly had her hand over her mouth but the smile in her eyes couldn't be hid so easily. I let out a heavy sigh, ignoring the three laughing girls making their way past us. "I look really stupid, don't I?

All my brunette friend could do was nod her head up and down while Sam shrugged her shoulders, saying "I wouldn't say _really_. No more than usual." She paused for a moment before continuing, turning to Carly who had finally gotten control of herself. "When is rehearsal tonight? Can we stop to get smoothies first? Oh! Can we get smoothies before and after? Oh! We should do this week's show about smoothies so we can have them during!"

All I could do was chuckle, watching how excited she got. No matter how much she matured, physically anyway, she would always be overly passionate about food.

"There isn't rehearsal tonight, remember Sam? I have a date with Kevin so we moved it to tomorrow." Carly said

"What?" She actually looked confused for a second before the wheels in her hand started to turn. "Oh, yeah. Awh man, lame. Who am I going to hang out with tonight then? More importantly, who is going to feed me? Mom's out of town for a poker tournament." Sam whined while I got to my knees, opening my book bag to make sure I had all the homework for tonight in the right order and folders.

"I think the Chinese place down the street feeds stray cats an- ow!" I was interrupted by the smack to the back of my head.

Carly's turn to offer a shrug. "I don't know, you could always hang out with…" The brunette trailed off which sparked a sort of uneasiness in me. You know that haunting feeling you get when someone is watching you. I had that in spades. Slowly, I lift my head up and see two pairs of eyes and grins looking down at me.

"Uh, I was planning on getting my homework done, start on a report since you know, I actually remembered that rehearsals were moved." Standing up, I was hoping the snide tone at the end of my statement would cause Sam to change her mind but she just grinned wider, probably because now she thought she had a chance at messing up my schoolwork.

"Well that's the great thing about plans, Freddork. Plans can always be changed." And for the second time today, her arm found it's way over my shoulders. "Like, instead of you doing homework and whatever crap you were talking about. Well, now you get to hang out with your best buddy, Sam. And you know what else! You get to take her out to get some fatcakes and smoothies."

I really don't think I could take a night alone with Sam. I based my strategy of coping with my sick, sick emotions around our trio. Around having Carly there to break up the awkward moments which Sam probably never noticed but were so agonizing for me. "I just don't think- oomph."

I was interrupted by having the air knocked out of me, compliments of Sam punching me in the stomach before leading me towards my car, resting idle a few spots away with Carly following behind. "Come on Benson, you know how mama gets when she hasn't eaten in awhile."

"What's a while? Like fifteen minut- oomph."


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **All I own is an old pair of converses and, well, that's pretty much it.

**A/N: **Thanks to anyone who takes the time to read this story, out of all the stories contained in this section let alone this whole site. I had some problems with the first chapter where it wouldn't let me bold or italicize anything but hopefully this one turns out much better.

**Freddie's pov:**

You know what? I can't wait to grow a backbone. I've heard such wonderful, enchanting things about them over the years. The kind of stuff dreams are made out of. Check this out, if you have a backbone, you can actually tell people no. Sounded crazy to me to but that's what I was told. Also having a backbone let's you stick up for yourself instead of being manhandled around by a teenage girl who is 'technically' smaller than you and you don't have to deal with all the embarrassment and bruises that come with said scenario.

We dropped off Carly like twenty minutes ago. The car ride home from school was more or less painless except for the time I tried to change the song playing on my Pearpod. That's when Sam, who was riding shotgun, grabbed onto my free hand with an iron grip and informed me with a glare that she was _'the dj of this radio station and there would be no boy bands playing anytime soon.'_ For the record, I don't listen to boy bands. I had to take many dance lessons with my mom when I was younger and though I do have a slight appreciation for five guys being able to pull off complex dance routines together, that's where my feelings for boy bands are cut off.

I sigh inwardly, watching the blonde beauty across the table slowly consume the rest of her manic mango smoothie. Her eyes were closed and her face was relaxed and it seems to me she's really trying to get maximum enjoyment out of the drink before it was gone forever. It's actually the same look I see whenever she's just gotten away with a really great prank or has finished assaulting me with a weapon of choice (yeah, her hands are considered weapons). It's been a long running theory of mine that Sam Puckett treats life, like she treats her smoothies. She wants as much of it as she can get and she's going to enjoy the hell out of it until she can't anymore, until it's gone.

"Earth to spacedork, come in spacedork. Do you read?"

Sam's voice emits around me and breaks whatever spell thinking too hard usually puts me in. I shake off the rust and lean back in my chair, noticing her eyes shifting from my half finished drink, to my face and then back down to my drink.

"You don't even like the flavor I got." Before I finished talking, she was already looking at me like I was crazy, or had grown an extra head.

"So?"

I roll my eyes but push the drink over to her anyway which she starts to drink immediately with no thanks, not that I expected any. I'm pretty proud of myself at this point, I've kept a level head, not broken character once. I don't know, I guess before I just thought that the second Carly was gone and it was Sam and I sitting in the car that things would magically turn oh so serious, and a soft, romantic song would come playing out the speakers. That I wouldn't be able to control myself and confessions of love would start spilling from my lips without my approval which would leave me spending the rest of my junior year at the local hospital, in a coma.

But it wasn't like that at all. Carly got out of the car, waved and went inside. Then Sam put on the hardest song she could find on my pearpod, turned it all the way up and proceeded to start shaking her head back and forth, rocking out. In retrospect, it was pretty easy to keep myself under control while telling her to _'cut it out, I'm driving' _whenever her hair would whip me in the face. I shook my head dismissively, letting the thought sink back into oblivion.

"So now what are we going to do?" I ask this knowing full well it wouldn't be homework like I had intended on doing before.

"I'm going to go get a free refill."

I watch her with a arched brow as she gets out of her seat. "You do know they don't give free refills here."

"Yes, I do know that, Benson. That's why I am going to **make** them give me a free refill. Hell, after all the money I've made you spend here all these years, I should be a business partner and entitled to any and all perks, including free refills and a flavor named after me." She nods in agreement with herself, clearly deluded.

"And what would that flavor be? Stupidlyyyyy-" I let it draw out, pausing for a moment under the hard stare from the blonde and give an uneasy grin. "Stunning Sam?"

"Don't you forget it, Nerdboy." And with that she's gone, moving in a swagger that makes her hips sway back in forth up to the counter. Not that I was noticing, because I wasn't. Not at all.

Another sigh, I lean just that much farther back in my seat. Having a crush on Sam was so much different than having a crush on Carly. Saying it was harder would be a huge, huge understatement. I could openly flirt with Carly despite knowing rejection was coming because I knew it would come with a smile full of pity and pat on the back. Openly flirting with Sam would probably lead to me in a six foot dirt hole and her serving twenty five to life at the nearest women's prison facility. Not to mention the fact that the world might just stop and implode in on itself because I'd be messing with the natural order of things which was: I was supposed to love Carly and Sam and I were to hate one and other. Always and forever.

Things would be so much easier.

It's at this point I notice how red Sam's face has gotten, how loud her voice has risen as she stands at the front counter, arguing with the guy working. I'm quick to get out of my seat, knowing full well where this could lead.

"Listen, nub. You've got about five seconds to get me a free refill on my mango smoothie before I jump over this counter, shove your head in that blender over there and hit the liquefy button!" Sam yelled, grabbing onto the collar of the guy's shirt, who had an extremely terrified look on his face. It's at this point, I come up behind the riled up girl and wrap my arms around her waist.

"Let go of me, Freddie. This kid has it comin`." She's struggling against me, not letting go of the guy and it takes all the strength I have in me to finally tear her away and start to drag us over to the exit.

"Sam, calm down. Please just calm down." As I pull us through the door, I already know we won't be allowed back for at least a week and the guy inside behind the counter would need therapy for way longer than that. "Sa-"

She interrupts me, breaking free of my grip, elbowing me in the gut. "Yeah, yeah. Let go of me already. I'm calm, geek." Her breathing is heavy and she's fixing her shirt.

"Yeah, you're the picture perfect of calm." I wrap an arm around my stomach, holding it taut there in efforts to keep the pain away.

"You really want to push my buttons?"

_More than you know _almost left my mouth but I catught it at the last second. Instead, I let the innuendo slide past. "No thanks, I've taken enough damage tonight."

She grunts in response before starting off down the sidewalk.

"Where are you going?" I call out.

"I don't know, somewhere."

I watch her retreating form for a second, then look over to my car, then back to Sam. I'm trying to make the decision if it's worth it to follow. I could sneak away right now and go home, do my homework, start that report but the thought that Sam would be wandering around the city alone, despite probably doing it all the time when she skips, held me in place.

She doesn't turn around but over her shoulder yells. "Stop acting like you have a choice, dork. Get over here."

I grin lightly, shaking my head while I jog to catch up.

* * *

We somehow found ourselves in the park and have been walking for what seems like forever. The sun is finally setting in the sky, an orange glow cast over us, the park and all of Seattle. Since we left 'scene of the crime' neither of us has said anything. But it's like, a comfortable silence ya` know? No need for words, words only complicate things when it comes to the two of us. It always turns into miscommunication, insults hurled defensively and then well, physical violence.

I've been stealing glances when I think she isn't paying attention, trying to be as subtle as possible but it's kind of hard to be subtle when it comes to feelings like these because they are just anything but. The last few years had been good to Sam, time maturing her body, giving it curves that her tomboy clothes just couldn't hide anymore. Her hair was as long as ever, and her curls still untamed, sort of like her spirit. She was definitely a vision and being a guy, well I can't help but notice.

"What are you lookin' at huh?"

Shit, she caught me on that last one. I shrug my shoulders with indifference, letting my gaze shift back to in front of me. "I'll tell you when I figure it out."

That earns me a punch to the arm but a small smile turns the corner of her lips upwards and I can't help but feel rewarded. "It's pretty nice out."

Now it's her turn to shrug. "Yeah, it's alright."

"I'd say it's more than alright." She doesn't respond back, instead she keeps looking forward, seemingly contemplating something. And with a girl like Sam, one would never be able to guess what. So we go back to the comfortable silence for a few minutes before she randomly speaks, voice cutting through the air and abruptly breaking the quiet that had settled around us. "You wanna do a 'Wake Up Spencer' tonight?"

"Uh, sure."

"Cool." She nods and just when I think we're back to silence, Sam pumps her fist in the air with a little jump, yelling: "Yes!"

"What the hell was that about?" I ask, brows arched in a mixture of confusion and question.

"The hotdog guy hasn't left the park yet." She pointed over to the elderly man behind the cart, with the tiny white hat he always wears. "Come on, I'll buy you a hotdog, Fredweird."

I chuckle a bit before something hits me. "Wait, if you have money, why did I have to buy you a smoothie?"

"Because all I have is the ten I took out of your wallet yesterday and I didn't feel like wasting it is why."

"Sam!" I call out indignantly, stopping. This caused her to turn around but continue to walk backwards.

"What? You always sound so surprised. Yeah, I took your money. It's happened before and it'll happen again. Just be glad I am using it to buy you some food too, Benson." She paused. "Geez, you always have to whine about something. Keep this up, and you are only getting half a hotdog."

The sad part is this is Sam actually being generous.

* * *

"Thanks, Sam."

She gives me the thumbs up, still chewing a bite of her hotdog. See, that's that table etiquette I was talking about, didn't even think about talking with her mouth full. We're sitting on the curb, near the exit of the park. Hotdogs in hand, sodas on the pavement in front of us. Been sitting here since we got the food, doing some people watching. Well, I've been doing some people watching, Sam's been doing some people taunting.

"How do you think Carly's date is going?" The question comes out of nowhere and I turn to look back at her while she is sipping her soda through a straw before I answer.

"I don't know. Probably good, Carly seem to really like the guy."

"And that doesn't bother you?"

I give her a look. "You know I got over Carly awhile ago."

"Just wondering." She puts down her soda and takes another bite of her hotdog, almost finished. She looked generally 'just wondering' so I decided to be honest in this rare lucid moment.

"Truthfully? It doesn't bother me. I mean, I still care for her. I care whether or not she's happy and for her safety and all that jazz but a guy can only slam his face into the same brick wall over and over again before it just doesn't seem like a good idea anymore."

This gets a laugh out of her. I grin. "She's one of my best friends, she'll always be but yeah, I think the _'SS FreddielovesCarly' _has set sail."

Now she's staring at me, or staring through me. I'm not so sure at this point but she looks deep in thought. After a moment, she finally nods a little, smirking slightly. "I'm proud of you, Fredward. That was a big step for you in becoming not such a huge lameass."

"Thanks, I think."

"Just don't think I'm ever going to grow out of beating the crap out of you." Now her smirk has turned into a huge grin, dimples and all. She looked cute as hell.

"Never even crossed my mind, Puckett."


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: **Broke like a joke, don't own a thing.

**A/N: **This seems a little short to me. I already have the story written but I am trying to cut it up and flow correctly and to do so, this scene just has to be the whole chapter I guess. Sorryyy.

**Freddie's pov**

There have been many skits we've gotten rid of or have updated during the span of iCarly but one we've never stopped or tried to change was 'Wake Up Spencer' because it's just such a classic. Every time we do it, it feels brand new. The bewildered look on Spencer's face, the incoherent mutters, the bed head. I don't know, it just never gets old. At least to the two of us and our fans. I'm sure Spencer could do without the years of nocturnal torture.

_Beep! Beep! Beep!_

I hit the button quickly. That's my alarm going off, letting me know I got five minutes or so to cross the hall and meet Sam. I set it out of habit, it's what I've always done despite the slight case of insomnia I've developed recently. Yeah, I've been up for awhile now, running on an hour of sleep. Just been sitting on the edge of my bed, wearing a grey wife beater and my favorite pair of pajama pants, starin` at the plush carpet beneath my feet. Been doing some thinking, contemplating, soul searching. You know, mulling things over. I have so much time to myself and I can't get anything in order inside my brain. It's a outrageous mess, a bloody crime scene filled with incriminating evidence.

Neurotic thoughts of unrequited love dosed with a mixture of self pity and anxiety.

An eternity later, or two minutes according to the atomic clock on my wrist and I finally get to my feet. On the way out through the bedroom door and I grab the camera off the desk. I've gotten the art of sneaking out of the apartment down to a science because although my mom may have eased up on her ways, she for sure hadn't given them up completely and her teenage son sneaking out of the apartment at three in the morning was a hugely against the rules. Even if it was just to bother the neighbor. So I continue to sneak, pace measured, each step closer to the door and freedom.

Backing out of the apartment and closing the door deadly slow, I almost drop the camera on my foot when I turn around and find Sam leaning in the Shay doorway, watching me with an unreadable look that has been appearing more and more these days and it never fails to tighten my lungs with uneasiness. Though I think it's worse at the moment due to just how alluring she looks in her simple night attire. Tank top and shorts, enough to bring any boy to his knees.

"Hey." I whisper, voice tired and rasp with something not quite sleep.

"Freddifer."

I shake my head. "You ready?"

"Spencer's not here, he's spending the night at Socko's." She says it as if it's not a big deal, stretching along the doorframe.

I fix her with a stare, annoyed even though I wouldn't be sleeping right now anyway. "And you couldn't have told me this like five hours ago, maybe?"

"Yeah, I could have." She gives me a little grin, the nerve!

"I wish I could like, put you in a crate and mail you to Mexico."

"Like to see you try, Benson."

Another shake of my head, twice in the last minute and I'm turning around, getting ready to go back inside. To do what? I don't really know. Maybe I'll surf the net, or maybe I'll sit on the fire escape and listen to music until the sun comes up and it's time to get ready for school.

"You wanna come in, watch some tv?"

Her voice is quiet and I'm almost convinced she didn't really say anything but when I turn around, she's already gone inside, the door left open in invitation. I stand there for a moment, tongue poking the inside of my cheek while I weight the pros and cons. The battle was really won before it even started and I made my way inside of Carly's apartment, shutting the door behind me quietly. Sam is sitting decisively in the middle of the couch, leaving room for another person on either side of her.

I set the camera down by door and make my way over, taking a seat on the right of her. There is an inch or two between us, I made sure that there would be no touching.

"What are we watching?" I ask, looking from the screen to her.

"Something about getting a personalized coffee mug collection or something, I don't know."

"Wow, that's pretty lame."

She nods. "Yeah, I agree, it does sound like something you would get your mom. I'm sure she'd like your ugly mug, on a mug to drink out of every morning."

"Gee thanks, Sam." I don't look over at her, but instead scowl at the television set.

"Just saying, you should write down the number on the bottom of the screen just incase you change your mind."

Continuing right on down crazy road as I sit here, three in the morning at my best friend's apartment on a school night, watching an infomercial with the part time girl of my dreams, part time bane of my existence. Nothing is ever easy, huh. I get sucked into the program, mindlessly watching it for a minute or so before a fluffed pillow slams into my lap quickly followed by Sam's head as she spreads out across the couch, getting comfortable.

"Uh, excuse me."

"Okay, you're excused. Just don't do it again." She doesn't even look up at me, just stares ahead at the tv.

I continue to look down at her, watching intently as the weight in my gut got heavier and heavier. "I wasn't aware I said it was alright for you to lay on me."

"Technically, I'm laying on a pillow and the pillow is laying on you, Freddo but that aside, you didn't have to. I know you're just glad to have any girl come in contact with you." I can see her smirking, face a washed in color from the screen in front of us.

"Yeah, yeah."

And back to the silence. It's an odd recurring theme between two people known for their war of words but it wasn't unwelcome. A chance for me to keep my thoughts in my head and not accidentally say something mind blowingly stupid to the blonde girl, I'd gladly take because at times like this, so close and intimate, it was getting harder and harder to keep myself together.

"Are you happy, with like life?"

If she notices me staring, she doesn't care. I answer " I don't know, are teenagers suppose to be happy?"

Her voice is uncharacteristically soft. "For real."

"For real, I don't know. I guess if I had to say anything, I'd say I'm not happy but maybe content?" That was a lie but who is keeping score.

"Yeah." She pauses. "I guess I'm content too. I mean, I'm doing better in school and we're still doing iCarly. I'm just wondering what it's going to be like down the road. We only have a year more of high school and who knows what's going to happen after that."

I can tell she has been thinking seriously about this for awhile. " I think life happens after that."

"Hope I'm ready for it."

"You kidding? You're Sam Puckett, the girl ready for anything. You got nothing to worry about."

She doesn't say anything, at least for the next few moments before she looks up at me with what I think might be an actual smile. "Thanks for the pep talk, dork."

After that, she turns her head back to the television and slowly succumbs to sleep later on, leaving me sitting here, staring ahead and thinking too hard like I had been about a half an hour earlier. It's weird whenever she would pause the insults and the banter and have a real conservation with me. I'm just never ready for it despite how much it's been happening lately. Another sign she's growing up, another reason I can't think of anything else but positioning myself next to her, taking her in my arms and just holding her for the rest of the night. I don't, because I'm not an idiot but it doesn't mean I'm not constantly thinking about it.

I should probably get up, get back to my apartment but when I make the slightest shift, Sam turns around and snuggles into the pillow and my wife beater, effectively keeping me in place. I look down at her peaceful face and can't help but wonder if she has any idea the hold she has over me. Just how heart breaking every moment with and without her is. This isn't healthy at all. The lack of sleep is slowly taking it's toll on my grades and my mental sanity but what can I do? Really, what can I do?

I know the answer, I'm just not sure if I can put it to work and stick to it. I don't think I really have a choice at this point. It's probably finally time to put Operation; Avoid Sam Puckett in to effect.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:** No claims of ownership.

**Freddie's pov**

_You're so good at talkin` smack, you heart attack._

_But you're the apple of my eye, anyway._

The sun is making itself known in the sky, slowly drifting up from the horizon. I'm sitting on my window sill, leg hanging over the edge on the outside just staring out and listening to the sounds of the early morning. Bout an hour until school starts and things really get under way. This is probably a bad idea but my brain hasn't been functioning on the highest of levels these days so you know what, it's all I can come up with. I've tried to rack my head for something less, what's the term.. of a desperate measure. Something that might actually fix my problem but yeah, nothing. So avoiding it is. Hey, it can't make the situation any worse. Yeah, I know.

Famous last words.

I don't remember how long I sat there, watching Sam as she slept. It was like I had been put in some kind of trance, I couldn't take my eyes off of her. Tracing every outline, every feature committed to memory, as if to subconsciously let myself know that I was really going to go through with the plan. That this might be the last time I come in close contact with her so I better savor the hell out of it. And I did `till I thought I heard a noise upstairs, afraid that Carly was getting up for a glass of water or something, I managed to slip out from under Sam without waking her. Which really, wasn't hard. Girl sleeps like the dead.

So I managed to sneak back into my apartment, got dressed for school and that pretty much leads to the present. I lean over, one arm gripping the frame at the top and the other at the bottom, looking over the edge. Taking notice of the quiet city below. I'm seventeen yet, I feel so much older than that. Is this what being in love, or whatever I am, does to you? Makes you old, tired and overly paranoid? That's a depressing thought.

"Honey, are you up?"

I can hear my mom's voice behind the door, float through my room and to where I sit at the window. Sluggishly with a faint groan, I swing my leg over back into the room, crossing the space, intent on opening the door. Quick turn of the handle and a pull. "Yeah, I am."

"Oh, good."

She is giving me the look over and I know the subtle worry in her expression is due to the small bags under my eyes. Don't worry, I tell her in my head, I'm working on it as we speak.

"How did you sleep?"

I shrug. "Alright, I guess."

"Is it the mattress? We can go get- " The look I give stops her and she just nods, her hand comes and snakes around my neck, grazing the skin there as a gesture of comfort. "I'm gonna make some eggs and bacon. Why don't you meet me at the table in a few minutes."

"That sounds good, mom."

With that, she retracts her hand and moves down the hallway towards the kitchen. Another sign that things have certainly changed. Before, she probably would have pulled me from school today and made me go see a series of doctors but now there is an understanding. She knows I have to deal with things on my own, however badly I may be doing so.

I sigh, been doing that a lot lately. Reaching for my book bag, I follow her steps to the kitchen table.

* * *

"Are you even listening, Freddie?"

"Huh- what?" I blink a few times before looking over to Carly, who is staring at me, not sure if she should be worried or annoyed. Guess I spaced out there for a second while she was talking about this idea she had for an iCarly skit that came to her last night in a dream. I grin, a bit sheepishly. "Sorry Carls, thoughts got away from me for a second there. What was the idea?"

"Are you still not sleeping at night?" Apparently worry won out, but oddly enough it was I who was getting a little annoyed. I mean, I know everyone cares about me but getting asked the same question over and over again can edge on someone's nerves.

"Nah, I'm sleeping fine. Just not fully awake, you know. From all that sleep I got last night." I tell her with ease, leaning against the lockers. It's pretty obvious she doesn't believe me, so I'm quick to change the subject. "How was the date with Kevin?"

I'm not fooling her at all but as a girl, she can't resist the chance to spill her heart out. "It was really great. He took me to this new sushi place on 5th."

"I thought you didn't like sushi?"

She shakes her head. "I decided to give it another chance for him, I'm still not a fan but it wasn't as bad as the first time I tried it. And the restaurant was really cool, I'll have to take Spencer and you guys sometime."

"Yeah, sounds awesome."

Carly looks happier than I can ever remember whenever she talks about Kevin. They've only been seeing one and other for, what's the count again… I think three weeks, maybe. He's an alright guy. We never have much to talk about but we make with the polite small talk and he seems to treat her right, can't really ask anything more of the guy.

"So, how was hanging out with Sam yesterday? You don't seem to have any bruises, that I can see anyway. I'll admit she's gotten crafty with where she leaves her marks."

I'm looking around for a certain feisty girl. "It was fine, only a few hits. None of them hard enough to blemish skin."

"Maybe you'll be as lucky tonight at rehearsal."

Shit, rehearsal. Totally had forgotten it was tonight. "Yeah, bout that. I don't think I can make rehearsal tonight."

She looks over at me from her locker. "What? Why not?"

"Uh, well.. Well my mom decided she wanted me to come out to dinner with her and Dave. A sort of forging a connection kind of deal. I tried to get out of it but she wasn't having any of it." A hand reaches to the back of my neck, to rub at a knot. "You guys can just hold it without me and then fill me in later."

Sam. I see her coming around the corner, digging in her backpack for something, probably food related. I look around, suddenly in a panic because although I came up with this genius plan, I didn't really come up with a way to avoid her. "Uh…" I trail off for a second, trying to think of a plausible excuse to run off before Sam gets to us. I catch a glimpse of Gibby walking past, moving towards the other hallway. "I gotta go talk to Gibby about something before first bell rings, I'll catch you later."

And with that, I speed walk off to catch up with Gibby, calling out. "Gibs, wait up a sec!"

He turns to look over his shoulder. "Oh, Freddie. Hey, what's up?

"Nothing much, I wanted to see if you wanted to grab some lunch off campus today. You know, get in some male bonding. I feel like we haven't done that in… ever." I place a hand on his shoulder.

He seems to mull it over for a moment. "Yeah, that's pretty cool. I'll let Jennifer know during second period so she isn't looking for me in the café."

I nod a bit, looking behind us to see Sam finally get over to Carly and the two of them talking. When she looks over to us, I quickly shift back around and turn the corner with Gibby.

"Great."

* * *

I only have one morning class with Sam and we sit on the opposite sides of the room which I am thankful for. She use to sit right behind me but after the ninth time she got me in a choke hold, the teacher made the wise choice of splitting us up. The whole time I refuse to look over but I could feel her eyes burning into me every once and awhile. It's like she already knew what I was planning. Well right when the bell rang, you better believe I hauled ass out of there.

Gibby was, thankfully, already waiting at my car when lunch period hit which made a quick escape possible. We decided on something cheap and easy, Inside Out Burger.

"How are things with you and Jennifer?" Jennifer was the girl he had been dating for the seven months. They made a really cute couple, it was sort of a match made in heaven kind of deal you know?

He looked over at me. "Great! She's just awesome, man. I don't know how I lucked into being with her but I thank whatever force made it happen daily.

"That's great man."

"Yeah." He paused. "Thanks for inviting me out, and paying. This stuff is way better than the school's food." He spoke, happily taking a bite out of his cheeseburger.

I chuckle. "No problem, man. Of course it was going to be my treat, I was the one who invited you out and made you miss out on time with your girlfriend. Just felt like I needed some guy time you know? I don't really hang out much with other dudes."

Gibby had come from a good natured kid with an affinity for being shirtless to a well toned, good natured young man with an affinity for wearing anything that was at least sleeveless. He had finally come to terms that he would have to wear a shirt to function in the high school landscape but that didn't mean that right when the bell rang to signal the end of the day, he wasn't shirtless and on his way to the local pool where he was a lifeguard. That didn't mean he wasn't shirtless right now as we sat at a table outside of the joint.

"Why would you? You get to spend all your time with two beautiful chicks. Do you how many guys would kill to be with Carly or Sam?"

I look at him, question in my eyes. "Yeah, but we're only friends. I'm not _with_ Carly or Sam."

"But you'd like to be."

"I got over Carly a long time ago, Gib."

He fixes me with a look. "You can keep pretending I was talking about Carly all you want, buddy."

I almost choke on the fruit punch I'm drinking. I look over and he has this knowing grin, it's pretty exasperating more so frustrating because it seems like he's figured out my dark secret. "What are you getting at with that."

"All I'm saying is just because a guy is shirtless, doesn't mean he isn't perceptive. You're not exactly a closed book when you're staring at Sam."

I decide to lay down my hand, show my cards. "Take this to the grave with you but I might be kind of, sort of in like with Sam."

"Just in like?" He says while taking another bite.

"Watch it."

He shoots me another grin while chewing, talking after he swallows. "How long? I have my guesses but let's see if I was close."

"Probably two years now."

His eyes widen, almost comically. "No shit, two years? Really? I wasn't even close." He leans back in his chair. "I wasn't even close. Wow, okay. So it's been two years, what are you going to do about it?"

"Well, I've finally come up with some sort of resolution. Think I'm going to avoid the hell out of her until the feelings go away.

He laughs warmly, balling up his burger wrapper. "That's going to blow up in your face."

"Yeah." I pause, looking across the street for a minute, watching nothing really. "I figure as much."

* * *

**A/N: **I'll probably be putting up chapter five later tonight after some editing, not sure if I'll be able to do it tomorrow so better safe than sorry. Thanks to anyone who is still reading.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing but a sunny disposition.

**A/N: **Wow, thanks for the sleuth of reviews. You guys are pretty awesome. This chapter is pretty heavy, no humor really but I'm generally happy with how it turned out. I hope you guys like it.

To _Beth_, they are around seventeen, maybe closing in on eighteen.

To _The Writer_, chapter six will switch to Sam.

And finally _Vix_, you don't know how awesome it is to get a review from you. To be honest, your story 'stairwells and steering wheels' is what made me what to try out the fandom. It's pretty amazing.

**Freddie's pov**

It's been three days since the plan has been put in effect. It's been a three day long never ending, always moving forever where I have to constantly be aware at all times where she is so that I can be elsewhere. It's a lot of work, really. I've been getting actual sleep though, I just can't figure out if it's from avoiding Sam or the pure exhaustion overwhelming me from not sleeping for so long. I'm not getting a full eight hours or anything but I'll take the four to five I've been getting over the one to none from weeks past. Even though the sleep comes with a price and all my fucking dreams are of her.

Every single one.

My pace is languid, taking each step of this old fire escape with a pause, watching the night sky. Yeah, this is how I've been getting in and out of the apartment. Using the front door would be too dangerous considering she's practically always at Carly's, the threat of running into her was too high so all I can say is thank God for this metal pathway bolted onto the side of the building otherwise I probably would have been caught by now. Another step closer… closer to what? Closer to the end of just another day without her, I guess. The notion hardly inspires any fire in me as I finish the rest of the way up and finally reach my window.

I climb on through into the empty room, dropping my backpack mid step to the middle of the room. I just stand there for a moment, unsure of what comes next. Finally, I kick off my shoes and peel off my socks, pushing them against the wall before moving towards the door and out into the hall. I call out my mom's name and wait but there is no answer, just silence. She's either working a double shift today or probably on a date with Dave. Composed steps bring me to the bathroom and then inside. I hit the light switch, the cold tile stinging my bare feet. Sending a tingling awareness through my legs while I stop in front of the mirror.

My hands grip onto the sides of the sink and I lean forward slightly looking into the glass. I stare at my reflection, at just how unhappy I am and for a second, I ask myself is it worth it. Is giving her up worth everything else. Sadly, I just ignore the _no_, letting the thought sink back into naught. A frayed grunt, noise emitting through the barricade of teeth and my parched lips. I reach over and turn on the water, watching it run for a second before dipping my hands into the clear liquid. It pools in my grasp until I get enough to splash on my face. It's refreshing but not enough but then again, a lot of stuff isn't enough these days.

This is what I wanted, this is what I get.

Walking out of the bathroom, my hand blindly smacks out at the wall, managing to hit the switch. I pause in the hallway, toying with the thought of going to the kitchen and getting some food but instead shrug it off and head into my room. Shuffling over to my desk, flipping open the laptop and hitting the space button to get it out of sleep mode. I don't bother checking my emails but apparently I have like twelve of them. All probably from Carly. See by avoiding Sam, I'm avoiding Carly by poxy which really sucks. But like, they are always together. I mean always. The only time they aren't is in class and probably the shower (the latter was my number one recurring dream at sixteen. What? I'm a guy) so I haven't really seen either in three days. To be honest, I'm not sure if I'm going to show up to iCarly tomorrow.

I bring up Peartunes, hit my angst-y play list and head over to the bed to the sounds Interpol drifting out of the speakers. Right before I drop down onto the soft confines, I pull the white v-neck tee shirt over my head and drop it to the carpet. My hands come to rest behind my head while I lay there, gaze looking up at the ceiling.

Sleep claims me without any notice.

* * *

The second I feel the tight grip on my ankle, I'm awake. I'm even more awake when said grip is used to fling me off the bed and onto the carpet below. My voice is hazy as I look up and see Sam standing over me. "What the -"

"Get up, now." She interrupts me, her voice hard and tense. I look over to the clock and see it's only eleven thirty. She takes my moment of adjusting to what was happening as a moment that was too long and reaches down, grabbing my arm and pulling me up before she well, exploded into my face. "Where the hell do you get off, huh? The hell do you think you're doing?"

"Listen, Sam. I-" Her eyes are wild, hands on her hips, breathing deeply.

She interrupts me again. "I don't want your bullshit excuses, Benson. I want you to tell me exactly why you have been avoiding Carly, why you've been avoiding me. You don't have many friends, what makes you think you can just go and try to ditch your two best ones. So tell me all that, Freddie and it better damn well be the truth."

She shoves me, hard. "You just can't break into my apartment and start assaulting me, Sam. That's not how a normal person gets answers." She shoves me again. "Damnit, stop shoving me. I don't have to tell you anything."

That was pretty much the wrong thing to say to her. If possible, she looked even angrier. "I beg to differ, I think you do have to tell me. And I think you will tell me." Before she even finished, she had flung herself at me, knocking me down onto the bed. She makes quick work of sitting on me, trying to hold my arms down.

"Get off of me, you crazy witch." I try to fight her. If I really wanted to, I could throw her off of me easily having come into my own but I didn't want to risk hurting her. After a few moments, I give up the struggle and she gets deadly close, right into my face. I can feel her breath against my cheek.

"Explain yourself." Her eyes are locked onto mine and I am frozen in place.

"No." Immediately after the word leaves my mouth in a horse whisper, she leans back, balls up her fist and punches me right in the face. The impact is shocking but not as hard as she's capable of. I know that. Even still, she looks like she couldn't believe what she had just done.

"Sam, I.." I take a shaky breath. " I really can't think with you sitting ontop of me. Just, let me stand and I'll sing like a canary, I swear."

She watches me closely, inspecting me to see if I was being truthful with her. Once she decided I was, she slowly slid off my body and took a few steps backwards. One more deep breath and I get to my feet, a fingertip grazing the sore flesh of my bottom lip. It's at this point, after having her sit on me and send a right hook my way that I realize I've been shirtless the entire time so I lean down and pick up the discarded article of clothing, pulling it over my head. Once that's all taken care of, I move past her, over to the window. I need to, I need to what? I need to look somewhere else if I'm going to do this. I don't want to do this but the blonde girl behind me isn't going to give me that option.

"You don't want to hear this. Like honestly, truly, you don't." I pause looking back to her and then to the window. "If anything, it's just going to reverse the situation. You'll probably end up avoiding me."

"I want answers."

All I can do is sigh. "Fine, but remember one thing, you asked for it." I turn around to look at her. "The reason I'm avoiding you, and Carly by extension is I'm pretty sure I am head over heels in love with you and every second I'm around you, I can't think straight. It's like, my head gets a fuzzed out overload which is actually the great part because it keeps my attention away from the tightening around my heart and the sink in my stomach."

She's looking at me like she's seen a ghost. Pale, eyes wide with confusion and fear. "Yeah, I told that you didn't want to know but that's it, that's the truth. I feel so strong for you that it keeps me up at night. I'm pretty sure I've lost a good year at the end of my life due to lack of sleep. I've never experienced something like this." I pause, looking to the floor. "It wasn't like this with Carly and it hasn't been like this with anyone else and I don't know what to do with myself anymore."

I stop talking, I've just spilled my metaphorical guts and I feel like at any moment, I'm about to puke up my actual ones. Her voice is low but feather light. "This- this is why you've been avoiding me for the last three days?"

"Only thing I could think to do. I figured if I wasn't around you, maybe I could work myself out of… whatever this is."

"Did it work?"

I laugh, it's humorless but it echoes around the both of us. "No, not for a God damn second."

Now we both stand here, silence takes over. It's not comfortable like the others, it's actually very uncomfortable. When I look up to her, she looks down at the floor. When it all gets too much, I say something. "Well?"

"Well, what?"

"What do you mean _'well what'_? You're the one that came here, shoved me around, made me tell you everything going on in my messed up head."

There is that unreadable look again, shaping her face while she stands there and stares at me. "I don't know what to say."

"Tell me I'm a complete idiot and dumbass. Tell me I have no chance in the world and that I need to get over this as quick as possible before you beat the shit out of me." There is a slight plead to my words, asking for her to just put me out to pasture so I can stop living like this. So we can get back to our normal scheduled program, so things can just go back to normal. But she doesn't say anything and it gets too hard to keep standing there so I take the stumbled steps back over to my bed and I take a seat. Elbows find my knees and my head finds my hands. I think we've reached the part of my plan, where it blows up in my face as Gibby put it.

After however long, her voice rings out airy and something that was very not Sam, something very close to vulnerable. "Freddie."


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: **I've got all these words, but I don't own what they are inspired by.

**A/N: **Plans fell through, so I had some time to edit this up. The whole story was suppose to be from Freddie's point of view but when I got to this part, and thought it would be interesting to end the scene in her point of view. I probably don't write her all that well and it will go back to Freddie's after this. Thanks to anyone who wasted their time to read this absurdly long author's note.

**Sam's pov**

I was just so angry at him. I had all this pent up aggression and substantial rage swirling around my whole body like a pissed off maelstrom and I didn't know why and I didn't have anyone to take it out on so it kept building day after day. I knew that morning, during third period something was up. The way the freak refused to look over at me the entire class, kept his eyes locked on the black board and teacher. The only signal he gave me that he knew I existed was the slight tick whenever I decided to see if staring at him would mentally trick him into looking over somehow. And if I didn't have suspicions at that point, when he ran out of the classroom like he was trying out for the track team, well that tipped me off.

I'm not stupid but apparently he's sure become a moron all of a sudden to think I wouldn't notice what he was doing. To think that it wouldn't piss me off to no end and the nub knows how I get when I'm angry. I couldn't understand why. I mean, I hate to acknowledge it but we've become really close over the years, I rely on the kid is what I'm sayin`and he thinks he can just, out of nowhere, decide he was cutting ties with Carly and I? Uh, no. That's not how things work with mama. By Thursday, I was done with whatever game he was playing at. I wanted answers. I wanted a solution and I was going to get it, with extreme force if necessary (I kind of hoped it was.)

I waited until Carly had gone asleep because although I love the girl, she was only going to get in the way of my plans for tonight. She'd only bring the waterworks and that was back up incase things didn't go how I wanted them to go. She'd been hit pretty hard by what Benson was doing, like me unable to understand why he suddenly decided he wanted nothing to do with us. It was pretty sad, she walked around like someone had spent the week kicking her new puppy or something. I noticed it was having a toll on her relationship with Kevin today and despite his confessions earlier this week, the notion that this might all be to somehow get to Carly crossed my mind once or twice. I wanted to believe the best but the ass was kind of making it hard when he pulled stunts like this.

Eleven o'clock hit and I tip toe'd my way out of Carly's room, minute later did the same out of her apartment. Picking Benson's lock wasn't anything, I had done it time and time before for prank related activities so I was in pretty quickly. With ninja like grace, I move through the darkened living room without tripping on anything and find myself in the hallway, in front of his door. I found him sleeping on top of his covers, wearing only jeans, moonlight illuminating his chest in strands and lines. The fact he looked so peaceful made it all that much better when I latched onto his ankle and ripped him to the floor.

Standing there, I felt like just screaming over and over in his face and kicking the shit out of him until I felt better but the need for answers for both Carly and myself won out lucky for him. Lucky for him until he started to get a smart mouth and I had to beat the confession out of him. I really didn't mean to hit him in the face but the whole thing was getting pretty intense and well everyone knows, especially him, that I don't like being told no. After all that came his confession and to be honest, I didn't know whether or not to believe him. Maybe it was all bullshit he was feeding me but like, standing there, I don't know. The defeat in his posture, and the hurt in his voice… he had to be telling the truth. I've known some liars, I've done a good amount of lying in my short lifetime and none of that sounded like a lie. I wanted it to be though because he was right, I really didn't want to know all of this.

Knowing all this means I have to deal with it and I don't deal well with having to deal with things. There is so much going on that I'm not even sure I can deal with it. When we were standing there in that God awful silence, I thought about making a run for it. Just fleeing out the door, back to Carly's where I was safe from all this overbearing emotional weight but then he spoke and he dropped to the bed and he looked so… broken. I felt responsible for somehow breaking Freddie Benson.

But I don't know how I feel. He thinks he might be in love with me or whatever and I have nothing worth saying back. I'm not going to lie and say that I haven't been noticing Freddie more and more as he's been maturing because I have. The boy looks good but that's as much thought as I've really given it. Until the nerd caused all of this and now I have all these new questions about the feelings the brunette boy sitting there inspires in me. I watched him for a moment, head in his hands and rustled up all the courage I could to finally speak, voice as loud as I could make it. "Freddie."

He didn't look up, but I heard him, voice trembling. "Tell me what I feel is impossible."

"All that mess you said, did you mean it?"

"Yeah."

With a heavy sigh, I move over and take a seat next to him, keeping distance. "Then it clearly isn't impossible." I watch the back of his head, taking note of the sudden want to tread my fingers through his hair and rejecting it. Instead, I look over to his window. "Were you ever planning on telling me?"

"In so many words, no." He finally lifts his head, looking directly in front of him, trying to steady his words as they came out. "In my dreams, I have but they all usually end in one of two ways. One of them is this way."

"What's the other way?" I ask.

"You throw me off the fire escape."

A laugh escapes me, even he cracks the smallest smile ever but we needed that, I needed that slight crack in this heavy interaction. It was just like him too. Poured his heart out, faces potential rejection and he's going to make a joke so I don't feel so awkward about the situation. We sit there like that for I don't know how long, probably only half a minute before I look over to him.

"Look at me, Benson." I can tell he doesn't want to, that he is thinking about refusing but in the end he does and our eyes meet and I can't help but wonder how stupid I really am for not being able to see this before now because it's all clearly written in his large brown eyes. "I don't have the answer you want, I don't really have an answer at all. All this has takin` me by surprise."

"I get that."

"Yeah." His eyes drop to the floor. "But, just so you know, this." I point back and forth between us. "This isn't uh, impossible."

I don't know if that's what he really wanted to hear but after all he said, I feel like I should lay that out on the table. "I'm not saying it could happen anytime soon, or anything but if you can give a girl some time to work out how she feels, it would certainly help."

He looks up at me, and then towards his door. "I can do that."

"Can you do something else for me? Can you cut this avoiding crap out and go see Carly tomorrow? She's been on the verge of a mental breakdown without her tech producer and nerd best friend." That gets a laugh out of him and he looks over at me. "I might have missed your sorry ass too."

He nods. "Yeah, I can do that too."

"Great, this as been fun but I think I'm going to go sneak back over to Carly's and get some sleep. I don't know about you, but a scene like that really takes a lot out of you."

"No kidding, you weren't the one being punched." I fix him with a look, slowly getting to my feet and moving to the door. I stop when I hear him. "You think things are going to be super awkward?"

I turn back around, looking at him for a second before retracing my steps back over to the bed. Carefully, I lift a hand and place it on top of his head, letting my fingertips rest in between strands before lightly smacking him in the back of the head. "Only if we really let it, Freddork."


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: **The usual, lot of me owning nothing.

**A/N: **I just can't say thanks enough, the praise is overwhelming and really makes me want do edit the mess of writing I have into actual scenes and chapters to be put up. I think we've hit the middle of the story

_Beth,_ It's funny that you mention the _over the topness _because editing it, I felt the same way. I spent some time trying to change it but couldn't come up with anything really better in my eyes so I left it as is. I'll use the teenagers are known to be highly melodramatic as a crutch and excuse.

**Freddie's pov**

"Your life is like, better than tv, man."

All I can do is laugh in response, looking up at Gibby as he sits in his _'throne' _as he likes to call it above the pool, eyes locked onto the kids racing back and froth from one side of the pool to the other. " I don't know if I would call it better, exactly."

"What, are you kidding? It totally is." He paused to look at me for a second. "You know what Jenny and I did last night? We stayed in and watched 'How to lose a guy in 10 days'. That's it, that's all. You know what you did? You got assaulted in the middle of the night and professed your forbidden love."

I shake my head while he returns his gaze back to the pool. "Yeah, and look where all that got me. I'm pretty sure I'm not any better off than before."

"Hey, cut out the running!" Gibby yelled out to some kids. "These kids don't listen, they just do whatever they want. Anyway, you are way better off than before. At least she knows now, it's not some huge secret you have to hide. Besides, she said it wasn't impossible."

"What does that mean though? That could mean anything, could mean I have like a .001 chance."

"Look at it this way. A .001 chance is roughly about .001 more than having no chance at all." He starts to get up but sits right back down, calling out again. "I mean it, stop running. Last warning."

I look at him with a smirk. "Darn kids."

"I know right! I mean, I was sort of a rebel but I mostly followed the rules. Hey! That's it, get over here." This time he does get to his feet, jumping down. "I'll be right back, man. I've got some runners to bench."

I watch him with an amused look as he takes off to the other side of the pool, hunting down the little offenders. When I came here after school, and told him all what happened last night, well that was the second time I've had to relive the experience and all the feelings tied to it. The first was this morning in the school parking lot when Spencer dropped off Carly and Sam. It was awkward for a very long moment where none of us moved or said anything until Sam and I met eyes. She gave me a small smile and nod before placing a hand on Carly's shoulder, whispering something in her ear. Probably telling her that she was going go to the lockers or something.

After Sam walked away, it left Carly and I in a sort of showdown. I knew I had to be the one to say something first but when I tried to explain myself she just stopped me and said '_I want an explanation and it better be a good one but can we just hug first because I really miss my best friend'._ After that, all the thickness in the air seemed to vaporize away. We hugged, I confessed everything. And I mean, everything. As we walked into the school, I told her about the lack of sleep, the avoiding, the encounter from last night and she just listened with a sympathetic smile. When I was done she told me she would personally kill me if I tried to do something like that again instead of talking to her and that she was rooting for me. When I asked what exactly she was rooting for me about, she just laughed and started to pull me to go find Sam.

And from there, the day was pretty normal. Well felt as normal as it could be. Went to class and did the work, I hung out with Carly and Sam during lunch and they filled me in on what we'd be doing for iCarly tonight. That was the test of how things were going to be, I think. Spending the lunch period in Sam's company. I didn't stare as much, out of a conscious effort but I think things went alright, felt like they went back to normal though I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing. She still messed with me, we bantered and argued about a skit where the girls try to see how many different colors they can dye my hair (which I flat out refuse to do) but some things were different.

"Dude, you might want to take a step back. Those kids over there have been conspiring to push you in for the last twenty seconds." At this point, I snap out of my trance and notice I've gotten to the edge of the pool, staring into the water. I look over to Gibby, who is standing there grinning at me before getting back up in his chair.

"Spaced out there for a second, you get the runners?"

He nods. "Yeah, their spending some time with their mothers, talking about pool safety rules. And hey, I don't blame you for spacing out. Sam is quite the looker."

"How do you know I was thinking about Sam? Maybe I was contemplating something else. Like world issues, or what I'm going to have for dinner tonight." I ask with a brow raised, acting as if I was insulted which he clearly didn't believe.

"Benson, you're my friend but you need to work on your poker face. You're an open book, girls like an air of mystery to a guy." He paused, looking from the pool to me. "No chick is going to check out a book she can easily read for free, you know?"

I can't help but laugh. "Was that your version of the whole 'why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free' line?"

"Yeah, it was."

"Clever."

"Thank you."

* * *

The girls were finishing up the show and it was like, it felt so good to be here, with the two of them doing iCarly. I literally cut them out of my life for three days but those days were the longest I have ever felt in my life. Sure I had Gibby to talk to and hang out with but it just didn't feel the same, it _wasn't_ the same. Standing here behind the camera, watching Carly and Sam yell out good bye in different languages and crazy voices, this is where I belonged.

"And we're clear." I look up from the camera to the two smiling girls as I cut the feed. "Good work, guys."

"Thanks, Fredward." Sam moves over to one of the bean bag chairs and plops herself down into the comfy object. "But it would have been a lot better if _someone _would have let us dye his hair different colors."

I tilt my head to the side slightly, giving her a pointed look. "Yeah, that's never ever gonna happen."

"We'll see." Sam responded back, in a sing-song voice that made Carly giggle while she moved to the desk where her laptop was and took a seat.

"I'm going to start dead bolting my door."

Sam just grinned a bit, looking unimpressed. "Is that a challenge? Because I can tell you now, I can handle any sort of lock you throw my way."

"Well, what if I nail up some wooden planks too, huh."

"Hey, you do what you have to do, Benson. Just don't yell too loud and wake up your mother when you find you have a rainbow for hair."

Carly just laughs. "You guys are crazy."

I moved over to the other bean bag chair and took a seat, resting my head back and closing my eyes. Things may still be hugely up in the air with Sam and everything but for some reason, I had a feeling that I was going to sleep pretty well tonight. I know I was out like a light the second she left my room last night. With everything out in the open, I feel like I can finally breath again. All the fuzzy feelings are still there but the stress is gone. I don't have to worry about her killing me. Well, at least not in relation to my feelings for her anyway.

"I'm hungry."

I don't open my eyes but a grin touches my lips upwards. "Big surprise."

"Well, fix it, dork."

I turn my head a bit, cracking an eye open. "What do you want me to do about it?"

"I don't know." She pauses. "Hey, let's order a pizza. Carly, can we order a pizza?"

Carly shakes her hand. "Sure, I don't see why not. Go order it down stairs though, I promised Kevin I would call him after the show."

Sam and I look at one and other before I speak. "First one to the phone gets to pick the toppings?"

"You're on."

And with that, we both spring from our seats and head for the door. There is a slight collision at the opening but I manage to squeeze through and head for the stairs. I don't dare to look back, I just bound down the steps two at a time. I'm almost at the bottom when I hear what can only be described as a _'battle cry' _and I feel a person, Sam, jump onto my back and send me down to the floor. At this point, I am flat on the floor with Sam sitting on my back.

"Hey, no fair!"

"What?" I can't see her face but I can hear the grin in her voice.

"This! You cheated, you're a cheater."

"It's not like it really matters, my toppings would have won anyway. Even if you beat me, you'd still order what I wanted."

I turn my head to the side, hands braced on the floor. "And how exactly do you know that?"

"Just a hunch I have." She pauses, leaning over and putting her hands on my shoulders. "A hunch plus I know what pressure point on the body makes a person pass out."

I look at her through the corner of my eye and a quiet laugh escapes me. "Let me up so we can order the pizza."

She relents, getting off my back and helping me to my feet. And when she is calling the pizza place, telling the guy on the phone that if there isn't extra ham on the pizza, the delivery guy is going to get a very painful tip from her, I can't help but be grateful for my .001 chance.


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer:** Bringing out a throw-back disclaimer from chapter one. "Come on, I don't own anything."

**A/N: **Apparently my computer went crazy this morning and deleted all my writing files so, yeah. Everything is pretty much gone. I haven't given up hope at finishing this story but now I have to rewrite everything from this point on. The updates are probably going to be slower but I'm only mildly discouraged. Anyway, chapter eight, going on memory. Hopefully you enjoy it.

**Freddie's pov **

I'm in like that state of sleep where you are almost awake but not quite. The one you float in, you dream in. Where you know your dreaming but you stick around anyway and watch what is happening. I seem to be thinking about earlier. The amazingly carefree and fun night where I got to snack on pizza and watch some remarkably bad horror movies from the 90s with my best friends. Where I got to sit next to a certain unruly blonde who leaned into me, resting her head on my shoulder without any pause of awkwardness and unease and made it very hard to concentrate on what was going on, on screen.

It's nice and I could relive the evening over and over again but it seems I won't be getting that chance. The second she pulls back the covers, gets that tight grip on my ankle and yanks me down to the carpet floor, I'm pretty much awake. For a second, I flashback to last night, overtaken by a sense of eerie déjà vu going on but it passes and I stretch out with my eyes still closed, turning my face to the right so my cheek is resting on the soft carpet, no trace of surprise in my voice. "Sam, I just hung out with you guys like three hours ago. Three hours is not considered avoiding, especially when it's used for sleeping."

"You sure about that? I noticed some shifty eyes going on after the pizza was gone, before we put the movie on. Thought maybe it was flaring up again." I hear the chair at my desk creak a bit when she sits down.

"False alarm, don't think I'll be trying that again. I've learned my lesson."

"Glad to see you're finally putting that huge brain of yours to good use, Fredward."

I grin a bit, sleepily. "You wanna tell me why you're in my room in the middle of the night again? My hair better still be all one color."

"It is. Wait, does all pink count?"

I open my eyes slowly before sitting up, getting into a leaning position against the bed. After the time it takes my eyes to adjust to the dark, I finally make out Sam at the desk, staring at me. "No, it doesn't." I lift a hand, reaching up to pat down any pushed up hair I might have while letting out a yawn. "What's up, Puckett?"

She shrugs indifferently. "Nothing. Carly hit the hay awhile ago but I don't really feel like sleeping and there's nothing good on tv so I thought I'd come over here and make you suffer with me."

She's leaning over, hands on her knees and I can't help this little feeling birthing inside of me. A budding giddiness that despite knowing my feelings for her, she'd still seek my company in the middle of the night. That it doesn't bother her to be alone with me, like this. It's a comforting notion to introduce to all the nerves and doubt festering somewhere in the back of my head. I shift slightly for comfort.

"Well, what did you have planned?"

She presses her lips together. "I don't know, I figured you would come up with something."

"Uh, well. If you remember the last thing I came up with, it wasn't a very good idea. Of course I didn't know that until a friend of mine came and beat the realization into me." I give her a grin and she matches it with one of her own.

"That's true, it was a mega crappy plan." She paused. "Well, hm. What can we do…"

"Something not illegal." I interject.

"Fine." She groaned out. "Let's go wander the city and see what goes on when everyone is asleep. We can go to the park, or something."

I shake my head no. "Yeah, how about instead of that, we go out to the fire escape and just look at the city from a safe distance."

"Why, you scared of being put in a position where you have to be a man and protect me?"

"No, I'm scared of being put in a position where I end up wussing out and you have to protect me." I answer back with humor in my voice.

"That's pitiful, Benson." She laughs, leaning back and moving some strands of hair from her face.

"Hey, I whole heartedly agree. So fire escape?"

She looks at me for a moment then nods, standing up and I do the same. When both of us move to the window, I take a step back so she can cross over first. As she was stepping over, I half thought about helping her out but common sense kicked in and I waited my turn to move onto the metal structure. We stood near the railing, looking out into darkness, mostly. Everything was so still, so peaceful that it was pretty mesmerizing.

And we stayed like that for a few minutes before I decided to take the bait and break the silence. "It's nice out."

"Yeah, I don't do small talk, dork."

I laughed. "Okay."

"Why do you like me?" She kept her eyes out in front of her.

I look over at her, voice an octave higher than it maybe should be. "You sure you don't want to have some small talk? Weather, sports, stock market?"

"No small talk." She nodded in agreement with herself before looking over at me. "I'm just trying to figure out why you would like me. I mean geez, Freddo, I've sent you to the hospital once or twice."

"Maybe it's the head trauma?" I grin and she gives me that look, that look only she can give me. I just shake my head and turn to face her, leaning my side against the rail. Deciding to go for broke and air it all out, I don't have anything else to lose. "Because for as many times as you've made my life hell, you've been a great friend too. You're strong, you're independent, you're beautiful. Stop me anytime the praise gets too much."

She's trying not to smile, but I can see it's a losing battle. "No, you're good. Keep going."

I shrug a bit. "I've spent more time denying my feelings for you than contemplating them. Somewhere down the road, I don't know. I guess your plan to get under my skin and in my head worked better than you thought. Or backfired depending on how you look at it."

She doesn't say anything, just turned to look back over the city. Guess I've given her more food for thought. Hopefully I've helped my case and not ruined it somehow.

"Carly wants to take us to this sushi place that Kevin took her to, Sunday night."

Well clearly, we are done with the topic. "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah, she was talking about it after you left."

I finally follow in fashion, turning back to face out. "Not sure if I like sushi or not but guess I'll give it a try."

"I like it."

I glance over at her with a smirk. "Why am I not surprised."

"What?" She asks with an arched brow.

"I just don't think there has ever been a meat you haven't liked."

She looks contemplative before finally speaking. "If there is, I haven't found it yet, yeah."

I thought we'd adjust back into silence but she pushed off from the railing and moved to the steps, taking one while calling back. "Come on."

I looked at the back of her head. "Come on where?"

"The park."

"Uh, I thought we'd agree the fire escape was safer."

She turned back around, putting her hands on her hips. "Hey, I was fair about this. We tried out your suggestion, now it's time to try out mine. And mine is you stop acting like a little girl and come with me to the park because I'm going with or without you, Benson."

I needed to think of an excuse that might to detour her and lucky it came to me pretty quickly. "We're in sleeping clothes, Sam. You're wearing slippers for Christ's sake!"

"Hm, good point." She looks down at her footwear before back up to me. "So we go back inside, put on the correct clothing for early morning park visiting and meet back out here on the fire escape. Problem solved."

I give her a dubious look to which she shakes her head. "We'll be okay, dork. We're using the buddy system like they taught us in elementary school. We can even hold hands so you don't get abducted by any crazy hobos out at this hour."

"Why-why would you say something like that. Do you really think there are craz-"

She interrupted me before I could finish, grabbing onto my shirt and pulling me to the window. "Cram it, and get dressed."


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: **Own nothing.

**A/N: **So it's been a good long time. Following the last chapter, my wisdom teeth became impacted and I've been in and out of the dentist and moderately medicated. Editing would have be somewhat easy to do but considering I have to rewrite the rest, I just didn't have it in me till now. All apologizes.

**Freddie's pov.**

_Because love is a loyalty sworn, not a burning for a moment._

She's at her most beautiful when she's oblivious, which is a good amount of time. Right now she's in some shape or notion of the word. Walking next to me with that confident stride, hands resting deep in the comforts of her pockets while her gaze holds steady in front of her, to something, maybe everything. We move in step with one and other but it's like I'm not here, at least to her. Maybe oblivious is the wrong word, maybe she's just focused. Like, it's possible she's not ignorant to the world, she just chooses to block it out for her own accord. Whatever it is, it's just another thing about her. One of the many _'just another thing'_s about her that I can't escape. Though I've stopped trying to escape, I've accepted my fate. I'm sinking and drowning.

I'm a goner.

This is one part dangerous, one part stupid and entirely Sam. Yeah, we're not little kids anymore and the years have taught me bending the rules sometimes isn't so bad but walking around the city in the twilight hours of the night just doesn't seem like that great of an idea. Who knows what kind of people are out and about. Well, I guess it's people like Sam and I, seeing how we are out and about at the moment. After Sam made it clear that we'd be going out on a trek, I got dressed in record time but she was even faster because she was strolling into my room right when I was finishing. And there was no knock, tap, cough or anything. That could have been a very compromising situation but I guess luckily it wasn't so we made our way out onto the fire escape, down into the alley way and out onto the sidewalk.

I decide to say something since it was apparent she didn't have any plans to. "Why are we going to the park again?"

"What's your beef with the park?" She answers without skipping a beat. Yeah, she wasn't oblivious at all.

"Nothing. I've just seen enough crime dramas on TV to know that the park isn't the best place to be in the dead of night or the early morning. Do you know how many bodies of jogger's they find in park bushes on those shows? The answer is a lot."

Even before I finish, she's turned her attention onto me and giving me a fixed look. "Really, you're serious? They're just shows, dork. Made up, fiction." She pauses. "Besides, I'm sure you'll put up enough struggle for me to get away should your neurotic rantings come to life."

"Oh, yeah. I'll be sure to throw in some extra flailing for you, so you can gain some solid distance."

She smirks. "Can always count on you, Fredhead."

So I probably shouldn't read too much into all of this but it's in my nature. I just wouldn't be me if I didn't over analyze, look for a secret hidden meaning (I know what meaning I want) into why Sam is spending her time roving the streets with me, why she hasn't hit me as much in- well, no. She still hits me plenty but she seems to be making a conscious effort to stay away from my face. I shrug a bit, trying not to dwell and failing horribly. She doesn't notice, already gone back to staring ahead, the two of us slowly making our way to our desired location. The more things change, the more they stay the same. Isn't that what they say or whatever? My feelings out in the open but seemingly smothered by a context of banter and bruises. I guess I should be grateful everything didn't shift awkward, right.

"Where were you this afternoon, after school? Carls and I went to get some burgers but you weren't answering your phone. I had half a mind to come looking for you." She doesn't look over at me and for good reason. She's smart, smart enough to know that I've got a smirk growing on my face while we talk.

"And why would you do that? Sometimes a guy doesn't feel like answering his phone. Why'd you feel the need to come lookin` for me?"

Her face tenses for a second, lips pushed together before letting it slip away from her carelessly, effortlessly like she did with everything else. "Because I felt like it and that's all the reason I need, Frederly."

"Doesn't sound like that great of a reason to me." Intense pain, nice to meet you. I reach up and rub at the back of my head which has just been smacked by the blonde beside me. "I'm going to develop a serve case of memory loss as an adult if you keep that up, I can feel them slipping away all ready. I went to talk to Gibby at his job, alright."

She looked confused, turning her attention back over to me. "Huh- Gibby? Why?"

"Because we're friends?" I retort with an arch brow.

"I don't understand why you would want to hang out with a nub like that."

Another shrug, we stare at, into one and other. "He's not as bad as he use to be. Or as bad as you make him out to be. He's a cool guy and a good listener."

The moment her face lights up, I know I've made a fatal mistake unloading that last tidbit. With an inward groan, I look back in front of me while she speaks. "Oh really? What kind of juicy stuff are you telling your new friend huh?"

The internal debate on whether or not to tell her the truth rages inside of me for the next few moments. A constant back and forth that I can tell isn't going to get me anywhere soon. I'm at a loss for what to do, how to keep the burning on the tips of my ears to a slight hue. And then out of nowhere, something clicks and I'm left wandering why I'm making such a big deal out of this. Sam already knows how I feel about her, and she probably already has it in her head that I went to talk about her to Gibby so why get all worked up over something that isn't worth it. There's just no point to it.

"Nothing."

"Come on, Benson. Tell mama what you and shortstack talk about." She moves closer, draping her arm over my shoulders while we turn the corner and the park comes into view. I laugh a bit and with my little epiphany held close to heart, I answer:

"Sports, world events, you, the weather. You know, nothing too important."

* * *

When we finally got to the park, we had talked about everything and nothing. Mostly the little things that didn't matter, pure shooting the shit. We talked about stuff like who would win in a fight, Spencer or a silver backed gorilla (we decided that Spencer would win the gorilla's affections and they'd become best friends, probably star in a sitcom together). What teachers are such a pain to deal with and how we hoped to avoid them next year. Sam rattled off a long list of reasons to not become a vegetarian, the number one point had something to do with a certain meat. Bunch of random stuff really. I didn't even realize it when we past the stone gates and the park landscape came to flourish around us for a good five minutes probably.

When we past the fountain, Sam turned to me. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure." I shrug.

"What's your biggest fear?" I arch a brow and she continues. "Tell me yours and I'll tell you mine."

Seems fair enough I guess. With a breath, I unload. "For the longest time it was that I was going to end up like my mom. Clinically insane, afraid of everything and alone. Most people emulate their parents but thinking about becoming just like her made my insides rumble and I'd get all uneasy. It bothered me for the longest time but when Dave came into the picture, it was like my mom evolved into a new person. It was like she was finally happy again and everyday my fear became something I didn't have to worry about."

"What's your biggest fear now?"

"Spiders." I grinned when she gave a little laugh. "Okay, so I've told you my biggest fear. What's yours?"

That sobered her up quickly and she looked away, out into the trees surrounding us, highlighted in moonlight. It was awhile before she spoke. "That the three of us are going to break away from one and other and I'm never going to see you or Carly again"

"That's your biggest fear? You shouldn't worry about that. That won't happen, Sam."

"People move on, Freddie. That's what people do and sooner or later, I have a feeling we're all going to be moving on away from one and other."

"That's not going to happen."

"Oh yeah, you're totally sure of that huh?" She stares me down.

"Well, the only thing I can tell you with utmost certainly is the nothing can break the three of us up. Nothing, and many have tried. Grandparents, schools, hell even me but here we are, the three of us still friends and here to watch each other's backs. We could do iCarly until we're old and wrinkly or we could stop tomorrow but it's not going to change the fact it's always going to be the three of us, Puckett."

Her smile resolved any sting her words might have. "You're such a sap, ya` know nub. "

We've lulled ourselves into a working silence, our shoes pushing against the cement path the only sound in existence seemingly. We just follow the trail, side by side each lost in our own subconscious. Or at least I am anyway. It's a place I'm in constantly nowadays, a second home even. I don't get a chance to get comfortable though because we turn a corner and something catches both our eyes. It's a squared off area with many holes lined up in rows. Water is shot up into the air in pressured pillars, each one blasting off randomly for a few seconds before dying off and disappearing back into nothingness. I watch it for a few more blasts before looking over to Sam who has just turned her sights onto me with a grin that could be considered frightening depending on how timid you are.

"You ready to get soaked, nerdball?" She asks and I give her a look she doesn't see because she's turned back to the area in front of us.

"Oh no. We're not going into that, are you kidding?

She doesn't look back at me, just keeps staring at the jets of liquid. When she doesn't answer me for a minute, I'm almost inclined to believe she didn't hear me but even more inclined to believe she's ignoring me but then she speaks. "When's the last time you've run through one of these? I haven't done it in years."

"Come on, Sam. It's two in the morning and freezing, we don't need to be playing in water."

She turns back to me. "Stop being a chick."

"I'm not being a chick, I'm giving you reasonable objections to why this isn't a good idea. Who knows whose arou-" She cuts me off.

"We're the only two people in the park, Benson. Relax the tension and breathe so you can decide with a clear head if you're going to share this moment with me or not." She pauses for a second and I don't know if the subtle plead I see in her blue eyes really exists or if it's just put there by my brain. Slowly, she takes a step back and then another until she's entered the area, moving right through two beams of water currently tunneled upwards from their holes in the pavement.

The atmosphere mirrors the sentiment expelling from each of her movements; each facial expression existing for the moment and then transformed into something else, something new. She gives off life in it's fullest, in the deepest and most profound meaning of the word while she spins and twirls through the jets of water shooting up towards the sky. Like a firecracker, eyes wide, bright and shining with a inner thrill only contained within, special and connected to her and her alone. I don't follow her into the excitement she's created so I can witness it and map it down to a memory for later because I know once I'm in, I'm going to lose myself in the moment with her no matter how hard I'll try to fight for my control. That's how all this works, a new natural order, maybe.

I hold back for that one second.

Then I plunge into the chaos of shooting water and her flailing arms, control instantly sunken below this invitation of brief and frill freedom. I follow in fashion with closed eyes, spinning through the freezing water and darkness, letting it whip into me. Everything's black, merged into the disorderly harmony Sam and I have spun around us. Her hand reaches out and grabs my arm but she doesn't stop me, she merely trails along the limb to my hand and interlocks our fingers. The other set of hands make the same connection quickly after and we spin. We just spin for I don't know how long, it doesn't matter because she's holding onto me for dear life because though she's my glimpse into independence, I'm her anchor to reality. It use to be Carly that grounded her but somewhere along the timeline it became my job. I let the thought vanish. I let all thoughts vanish.

We just spin.

* * *

It's about twenty minutes later when we both climb the fire escape and through my bedroom window, into the somber confines. We're both still pretty soggy but getting dryer by every minute. Standing off towards my desk, I'm the first to say something. "Tonight was pretty fun."

"I told you it would be, wimp." She's giving me her signature grin and I just shake my head while she speaks again. "I'm gonna get back to Carly's. See you tomorrow?"

It's not really a question and I'm not sure why she posed it as one but I nod, one corner of my mouth turns upwards in a half smile. "Night, Sam."

"Night, Freddo." She tosses a light punch to my shoulder and slips out the room, behind the door.

And you know what, even if she doesn't feel the way I do, it doesn't lessen the emotion. Tonight has taught me that just getting the chance to feel this way about someone, about her… well it's not something to be treated as torture. Love only makes you feel miserable if you focus on what isn't and what might never be. If you succumb to the notion that it takes two people to be in love instead of acknowledging the fact that you're capable of feeling this strongly for someone, for anything. If you just let it flow through you instead of festering, it's actually pretty rewarding.

I pull the still soaking wet shirt from my back and toss it into the clothes hamper, hand running through my hair and the smile I can't fight is only visible by the light coming in through the window.

I'm such a goner.


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: **I can afford a cup of coffee, not to own something like iCarly.

**A/N: **Thanks to the people still reading.

**Freddie's pov**

I feel fantastic. I actually feel way better than that but I haven't come up with a word to express just how good I feel yet so I've settled for fantastic which really only does an adequate job but what can you do, sometimes that's life. For the first time in weeks, I slept in late. Yeah, that's right. The whole morning blown past and now we're all halfway to Sunday. By the time I rolled out of bed, it was two in the afternoon and the apartment was all mine, mom having left for work a few hours ago. I went through the usual routine. Shower, getting dressed, making some waffles in the toaster, checking the iCarly website. All that killed about an hour.

So here I am, spinning around in my computer chair, staring up at the ceiling. The notion to go over to Carly's was already in my head, had been since I got up but I decided against it knowing Sam was over there. I know how she gets and I don't want to seem smothering so I just continue to spin. Gibby did say to call him if I wanted to hang out today. Eh, probably do that later. A deflated sigh escapes me right before I stop the chair and get up, reaching out to grab the desk to steady myself for a moment. Let the world catch up and stop going in circles but once I get that under control, I head out of my room and down the hall with intent to make it to the kitchen.

Everything is quiet and I hum lowly to myself to sort of break it all up. Moving into the kitchen, I head straight for the fridge. Pulling the door open, I duck down a bit to look inside. Few leftovers, yogurt, some stuff I can't readily identify, fruit. In the end, I decide to go with the yogurt. Grabbing said choice and the carton of orange juice, I close the fridge door and move to the island counter. Leaving the orange juice forgotten for the moment, I pull out a drawer to grab a spoon. When I make the move to rip the top away from the snack, I can hear something at the front door. Seconds later I realize what I heard was the lock being picked when the door opens and Sam comes strolling into the living room. The only thing I can do is shake my head.

"You here to take all our valuables?"

"Please. First of all, if I wanted to rob you, I could have done it years ago." She scoffs while closing the distance and coming up on the other side of the counter. "Second of all, the only valuables you guys have in this apartment are in the fridge. And even then, it's all mostly health food crap."

I look at the yogurt I'm eating and shrug. "Speaking of, you want some health food crap?"

"What, you kidding?" She pulls out a fatcake from one of her pockets, making quick work of the packaging "Nah, I always come prepared."

"Obtained at the Shay apartment?"

She grins while swallowing. "You know it."

"Where is Carly?"

"She went with Spencer down the street for art supplies little bit ago, they'll be back in whenever, pretty soon." Another bite and the fatcake is gone in record time. She pushes the wrapper aside, elbows coming to rest on the counter top while she leans forward. "What have you been doing all day, thought you might head over in the morning to bother us all."

I shrug. "Sleeping mostly."

"Hm, yeah." She inspects me. "You do look like less of a pile of crap but that doesn't give you the right to waste the day away like some kind of delinquent."

All I can do is laugh at the look she gives me when she finishes talking. "Well, maybe if a certain someone didn't invite herself into my room in the middle of the night and make me go out walking around town, I'd have gotten up earlier."

"Hey, no one dragged you out there with me."

"Uh, pretty sure you did."

"Whatever, let's not dwell on what was, we should move on." She nods in agreement with herself. "Whatcha up to today?"

Another shrug, I'm stirring my spoon around in the cup of yogurt. This is the second time she's asked me what I'm doing today and it feels like she's hinting at something but I don't want to take bait that's not actually there. "I dunno, Gibby said to give him a call if I felt like hanging out."

"Didn't you spend enough time with your nerd friend yesterday?"

Something about the disgust in her voice makes me smirk. "Is that jealousy I hear in your voice?"

"No, but is there something I should be jealous about? You and Gibby become a little more than just friends and forget to tell me about it?" She all but leers at me.

"No, Sam. We didn't."

"Because it's cool with me, I'm chill with that kind of stuff. If you want to go spend the day with your lame boyfriend, by all means go ahe-" The only way to shut Sam up is to surprise her. So I flung a spoonful of my yogurt at her face, splattering her cheek. Eyes wide, mouth agape in the slightest with no words coming out. Yeah, that shut her up… well, not for long. Her hand reaches up and she runs a finger through the offending substance to get a good look at it.

"Benson, did you just fling yog-" I go for broke and with a grin, I do it again. No surprise in her eyes this time, only a new frenzy. Her words were slow and steady, absolutely calm. "You're dead."

I make a move towards my left and she heads to cut me off from the other side of the counter so I switch it up and move towards my right with the same results. Okay, so maybe I didn't think my actions through to the fullest extent but what's done is done and now I gotta get either to my room or the front door. If I go for my room, I could probably jump out onto the fire escape and get out of dodge pretty easily but that also gives Sam the option of throwing me off said fire escape and right when that thought comes to fruition, the plan instantly becomes to head for the front door.

A second or two later, staring into her rampant face, I decide it's now or never. I go for a fake out and jump out from the right side of the counter, full sprint towards the door. Right through the living room, a jump over the coffee table and I'm so close to salvation. One more step and I can reach out, grab onto the door handle. It's around this point that I'm violently tackled to the ground, plunged into momentary darkness when my face falls flat into the carpet. I can feel her pushing all her weight onto my lower back while she grabs onto my left arm and twists it behind me in a down right painful way.

I lean up as best I can, turning my head to the side for a second to get out: "Ow, Sam! My arm doesn't bend that way."

"Well, you should have thought about that before. I'mma make sure the only way you can eat yogurt now is through a straw." With her free hand, she turns my head straight again and shoves my face back into the carpet and obscurity but I feel her grip on my arm lessen ever so slightly. And despite the limb shifted behind my back and finding out what our floor tastes like, I'm actually pretty comfortable with the familiar feeling of Sam on my back, trying to at least sprain something. This tug a war filled with quips and aggression was the core of our relationship since forever, I don't know where'd we be with out it. I'm shaken out of my thoughts when I hear the front door open.

"Uh… what are you guys doing?"

When Carly's somewhat bemused voice suddenly cuts the air around us, I try to lift my head up again to talk but Sam keeps a steady hold and I don't really get anywhere with the action. I guess this is Sam's way of telling me she'll answer for the both of us. "Freddie flung yogurt at my face so now I'm making the dork eat carpet."

Another attempt at lifting my head followed with failure so I just talk into the flooring, all my words nothing more than muffled sounds while Carly speaks again, bemused turned to just plain amusement.

"I guess there really is someone out there for everyone."

* * *

**A/N: **This is really a filler chapter. I've hit a block from this point, now not content with what I had before I lost it all so I'm not sure where I want to go with this. Hopefully something clicks and I can start moving the story again.


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer**: If I owned iCarly, you'd know it.

**A/N: **_Harriss_, thanks for the comment. I really do appreciate it.

And thanks to everyone else taking the time to even tell me to continue. It's funny, bout an hour after posting the last chapter, I found a crack in my writer's block and just let my fingers start typing so really I made the comment for nothing, think I am back on track.

Think I'm going to go on for four to five more chapters, maybe.

**Freddie's pov**

So once Carly was able to peel Sam off of me which wasn't an easy feat, Sam punched me in the stomach and went to wash her face. I tried to pop my arm back into the socket while Carly informed me that I had that coming and I pretty much agreed. When Sam came back, we headed over to the iCarly studio to hang out because, well it was weird hanging out in my living room. We just don't do it. Crossing the hall and up the stairs, we came to decision that a movie was a good way to spend the weekend afternoon. Carls got onto the computer and I stood behind her while she started to search. Sam took up residence in nearest bean bag chair.

Watching Carly click around, something occurs to me while rubbing the back of my neck "Where is Kevin?"

"He is working until six."

"Bummer." Sam carelessly says from behind causing Carly to turn to look at us.

"We're like the only people I know who don't have jobs."

Sam looks kind of offended, getting out of the chair. "We have a job, we do iCarly."

"That's not a real job, Sam."

"Hey, I may not have a job but I do community service." I toss out, watching Sam as she comes up beside me to look at the computer screen while speaking.

"Yeah, me too."

I turn my head to the side and give her a look. "No you don't."

"What do you call hanging out with your lameass?" She bumps her hip into mine with a grin and all I can do is return the expression while muttering:

"Whatever."

"Can't we go see the one with Kate Hudson?" Carly all of a sudden pleads out against Sam's earlier declaration that we go see the latest horror movie, turning to the computer screen again. Sam is almost violently shaking her head against it.

"No, we want blood and guts."

I just shrug. "I actually don't really care, both of `em don't sound that great."

"Which means you're on my side and you want blood and guts. Sorry, Carls. Two against one."

* * *

"Geez lady, did you have to order the whole concession stand?" I'm taking the moment to just marvel at the amount of food Sam has in her lap, on the floor in front of her and in my lap too. We ended up going to see the movie Sam wanted after I reminded Carly (while Sam was in the bathroom ) how Sam would just act out if we decided to take her to that Hudson movie. After the grim realization at what could transpire, Carly with a sad nod purchased three tickets online for _'blood and guts.' _Sam was pretty happy, but not at all surprised, when she came back and we told her that her choice won out.

"This isn't even that much." She gives me a perplexed look.

"My wallet is completely empty now!"

Sam looked over to me before pointing at our brunette friend. "Hey, Carly chipped in too."

"She had to otherwise I would have had to dip into my college fund." I shake my head.

"Please, you'll get scholarships or some crap, you don't need the money."

"Settle down guys, the previews are the best part." Carly whispers at the two of us when the lights dim down.

Sam shoves her mouth full of popcorn and turns her attention to the screen. Currently Sam is sitting in the middle of Carly and I but, that's not the status quo. Usually it's Carly in the middle so she can maintain some sort of order should a fight break out between us like the time we went to a really bad movie but Sam didn't want to throw her popcorn at the screen and waste it so she tried to throw me instead. I have back problems now. That's not the case today. We all shuffled into the rows, Carly leading the way. She took her seat and then Sam took the seat next to her. I was going to past them both and take my seat on the other side of Carly but Sam had her legs up on the head rest of the chair in front of her and despite me bumping into them, showed no interest in changing her position. So I just took the seat next to her instead.

It's dark now and the previews are finally coming to an end, the movie starting. In the first two minutes a person is decapitated and I can already tell Sam is going to love this movie. When I look over, she has the lightest hint of a smile and her eyes are all glossy, transfixed in front of her. I swallow the chuckle trying to expel from my throat and turn back to the screen. Might as well give it a chance right? So I lose myself in what was happening, trying not to close my eyes every time someone got ripped apart. I'm not scared but sometimes the death scenes are way too brutal for my stomach.

After maybe half an hour, I start tapping my fingers quietly against my legs, any sound coming from the action drowned out by the massive screaming coming from the speakers all around. The movie is actually pretty entertaining. It's a lot of gore and stuff which was the appeal for Sam but it has a generally good plot too. I think even Carly doesn't mind seeing it all that much anymore. On screen someone just got cut in half and while that image is engrossing, something distracts me. That something is Sam's hand finding it's way atop of mine, causing the tapping to stop. We look over at each other at the same time, she's the first to say something. "Sorry, thought you still had the cookie dough things in your lap."

"Nah, I set them in the cup holder."

"Whatda` I tell you about moving my food without tellin` me."

I roll my eyes which she doesn't see and I use my free hand (she has yet to move her hand from atop my other one) to grab the package and hand it over to her which she takes with her free hand. It's at this point that I have to analyze what's going on. It's clear she knows where her hand still is but it doesn't seem like she's going to move it anytime soon as she just brings the box of candy to her mouth and knocks it back to drop a few in her mouth. Despite wanting to dismiss it in efforts to not get my hopes up for an evident crash, I take it as a good sign. Sam deals with her emotions and the world in general different from every other human being alive so these subtle wordless touches speak louder than anything she might ever say.

So now I keep perfectly still, trying to focus back on the movie and not how the heat created by our contact is warming the top of my hand. And you know, I manage to do so for a little while until all of a sudden her hand disappears and the contact is broken, cold air hitting my skin. Out of the corner of my eye I see Sam itching her nose. Her other hand was shoved deep into her popcorn bag so I guess that wasn't an option. I try to keep the disappointment off my face, turning my attention back to the screen. I start to tap my fingers again. Well, it was nice while it la- huh. The thought dies off before it's even completed when I feel her hand come to rest atop mine yet again. Out of surprise, I turn to look at her fully. Her gaze is locked on the screen but she absently says: "Don't over think it, dorkface. You're missing the guy getting stabbed to death."

I just nod, turning back to the movie. When she absently starts rubbing circles around my knuckles, I bite my tongue to keep the grin off my face. When dealing with Sam, actions speak louder than words.

* * *

"Well… that was bloody."

Carly comments as the three of us are walking out of the theater and towards the parking lot, the movie ending a few minutes ago. I'm in the middle with Carly to my right and Sam to my left. While shoving my hands into the confines of my pockets, I answer back.

"It is called blood and guts."

"Man, it was so good. The body count was so high, people dropping left and right." Sam is still pumped up from all the slaughter so she's spazing around a bit. Jabbing me in the sides while making chainsaw noises causing Carly to laugh.

"Watch it." I lean away from the assault. "I'll admit it was good."

"There you go Fredlina, finally liking big boy movies huh." Sam beams and I answer back with an arched brow while we past a row of cars.

"I liked it for the plot, not all the disgusting gore and stuff."

This causes her to frown slightly, looking disappointed. "You would think hanging out with me, you'd be desensitized to all that."

"You generally don't cause blood loss." I state before a more than horrifying look comes across Sam's face and I instantly aim to cut off any ideas. "No, get the look off your face right now. It was an insight, not a suggestion!"

"Just think about it, chicks dig scars."

I look to our mutual friend for some kind of support. "Carly, keep her away from me."

"Shay knows better than to get between a lion and it's ham."

"Lions don't eat ham, there are no pigs in Africa." I huff causing her to tilt her head to a side, inspecting me while sucking on her tongue.

"Oh yeah? How about we go to the local zoo and see if they eat dork."

"Sam, you can't feed Freddie to a lion. He's our tech producer." I'm glad that Carly has finally cut in but not to happy with her reasoning and she's quick to continue at the sour look crossing my face. "And our friend."

"I wasn't going to feed all of `em. He could still be our tech producer and friend with one leg."

"How considerate of you." My words are drenched in sarcasm when we finally arrive at my car. After unlocking all the doors, we all pile in and start the journey back home. After a minute or so of sitting in the front seat and staring out the window, Sam seems to be calming down. She's not even bother to keep a lock hold onto my pearpod and become music dictator of the car ride like usual which now leaves me with the task of keeping one eye on the road and one eye on her. It's not safe at all, but nothing about our relationship ever is.

"Eyes on the road, Benson."

I'm surprised she knew I was looking at her, thought I was being stealth about it. I look behind us for a moment to see Carly is caught up talking to Kevin on the phone. Back to the road. "I wasn't looking at you."

"Yeah you were." She doesn't look at me.

"Eyes were clearly on the road."

"Eyes were clearly ogling me."

"I don't ogling." I say indignantly while I turn the corner, halfway back to the apartment complex.

"Yeah, tell that to your eyes."

I mutter some choice words under my breath and the flick against my right ear lets me know my infuriating counterpart heard them. I rub the sore tip of my ear and give her a resentful look before attention turns back to driving. We drive for a while, the only sounds are Carly talking on the phone and a random song playing on the radio. I keep both eyes to the road, hands steady on the steering wheel.

"Leave the apartment door unlocked tonight, save me some time."

I instantly send a look her way but like always, the poker face is up and it's an impossible brick wall to break through. I can only hope to God she hasn't been playing with me the last day or two because after my confession and all of this, I'm not too sure I could take it. I'm young but not too young to go over the edge if you know what I mean. Maybe you do, maybe you don't. Maybe I don't even know what I mean nowadays. I know what I want.

Wish I knew what she did though.


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything, maybe if we all pool'd our money though.

**A/N: **I'm trying my best to wrap this story up, without rushing the plot or doing a crappy job. I have another story I was working on (saved to my desktop!) paused due to the loss of rest of this one and I'd really like to get back to it.

Another switch to Sam's point of view for insight. I think when dealing with her and relationships, ones with Freddie in specific, things get lost in translation or feel out of character if there's no insight into what's going on in her head.

Thanks to all the great reviews, always inspiring to the writing process.

**Sam's pov.**

That night Freddie spilled his guts, after I left, I sat in the Shay's living room for an hour or so just thinking about everything. I've built a tough as nails reputation for myself, ya` know. Ain't scared of anything but in the sanctuary of my head, I can admit that the whole thing was starting to freak me out with time to really process it. Change is not something I deal with very well and here was Benson trying to turn everything completely on it's head, upside down. What really gets me is that I had no idea, not even the slightest clue. I didn't think the nub was that great of an actor but apparently his performance as _'same ole` Freddie' _was Oscar worthy up until the end.

Or maybe he wasn't that good, maybe I just only saw what I wanted to see.

The days after that point were all a test, a trial by fire to see how things would go and surprisingly he was passing. Things went back to a semblance of normalcy. Even though he was apparently head over heels in love with me, he kept his cool (as cool as he could ever be). We still bantered, and fought and did crazy stuff for no reason. The nerd machine even flung yogurt in my face! All of that despite the new addition and layer of emotions added onto our dynamic. We were still Sam and Freddie and I took comfort in the fact. Some things might be changing but not everything. Took comfort in the fact and hell, maybe embraced it a little too. Fighting with the boy was still my all time favorite past time but flirting had it's perks too.

And there had been a lot of the both the former and latter in the last few days since we went out to dinner with Spencer and Carly Sunday night. Everyone enjoyed their meal except for Freddie who in the end, after a bite or two, decided he didn't like sushi after all and pushed his food over my way which earned him a pat on the head in reward. Not sure how actually rewarding it was to him but I am sure he knew he had done a good job. Anyway, more things changing, shifting, evolving between the two of us and it pains me to say (not as much as I would like it to though) that maybe I'm feeling something for the dork. I refuse to define it anymore than just something but it's there, growing in the dark like a monster ready to jump out and rip my head off. Nothing I can do about it. Every time the punk picks a fight with me on purpose and I have to drag him onto the elevator in the hall and push every button just so I can give him a headlock on every floor, the warm and fuzzies just continue to increase.

It's fourth period, my third favorite time of the day because it's right before lunch. My favorite time of the day is the last bell, and then lunch itself. I'm currently wandering the hallways because well, history is boring. It's not my fault, it just is. Bunch of crap about a bunch of dudes in the ground. I'm not sure why they keep expecting me to show up and stick around. Think they would take a hint after the last five years and just remove the class from my schedule. Shaking my head, I turn the corner and see the gym double doors off in the distance. You know what? Benson's in there right now, and making fun of his short gym shorts is as good as any reason to make my way inside. With a new enthusiasm to my pace, I move down the hall.

Past the doors and into the large space, I'm met with the sight of a bunch of kids playing volleyball in the middle of the room. Few people running laps around the space and a large amount of people just sitting on the bleachers. Leisurely, I walk further in towards said bleachers while keeping an eye out for Freddie with no luck. Lot of people in here, two classes, maybe three going at the same time. I take a seat on the third row from the bottom and rest my elbows on my knees, eyes still searching. After a minute or so, I find the nerd with his back to me talking to two guys over in the corner. Who told the kid to go make friends that wasn't me or Carly. One of the guys he is talking to seems to see me staring over and says something to Freddie, who turns around with a confused look on his face, searching for me. Once he does find me, I can make out a tiny grin that almost instantly shifts into discontentment. Bet he's going to come over here and lecture me about skipping class and a bunch of bullshit.

Freddie closes the distance between us and stops in front of me, same look on his face from before. Would have been more menacing if he put his hands on his hips or something. "Sam, you don't have gym fourth period, what are you doin` here?"

"I'm here for history class. It's a mini field trip to learn about the history of the dodge ball." Told you so. A grin overtakes my lips when his brows furrow even more.

"Oh yeah? That's why none of your class or teacher are here with you huh?"

"Nice shorts."

"Don't try and change the subject." Grin widens at his curt tone. Kid gets so worried about me not passing and graduating. It'd be really endearing if I gave a crap about doing either of said things. I shrug it off, leaning backwards against the row behind me.

"So I'm skipping, so what."

"So you're never going to pass the class if you never show up."

"So I guess I won't pass then."

"Sam, you have to pass!" He whined a bit.

"It's just history, Benson. Let's leave it in the past where it belongs and move the discussion on." I'm getting a little annoyed at this point and he can tell, so he backs off, relents. Easy victory for me, but they never taste as sweet.

He ends up taking a seat on the first row, twisting his body to the side to look up at me with that little look of his, the one he's been giving to me all week. It's annoying and secretly appealing at the same time.

"Carly had a big fight with Kevin this morning."

This is news to me. I watch him, moving hair from in front of my face. "Bout what?"

"Don't know. I heard yelling coming around the corner to my locker and they both were stomping off at that point. Carly was so mad that when I tried to stop her to talk, she pushed me into the lockers!"

"Awh man, I wish I wasn't late this morning. That would have been awesome to see."

He gives me a sour look. "You wouldn't think it's so awesome if it was you she pushed."

"Yeah right, the girl knows better than to push me. She would have gently moved me to the side and then probably came up to you and still pushed you into the lockers." I pause. "I wonder if she used the technique I taught her."

He doesn't looks surprised that I've been trying to coach Carly in the ways of abusing him. I know he's also not as irritated as he wants me to believe. Thinking on how I can read his moods so well, I guess it really was a case of only seeing what I wanted to see. His voice breaks the train of thought. "Our friend is having problems."

"They'll be fine by the end of the day, they always are. Chill, don't worry about it."

I can see him poking the inside of his cheek with his tongue, like he always does when he is thinking on something. He turns back around, looking out into the room, maybe watching the people playing volleyball. After a moment or so, I move myself down a row until I'm right behind him, shoes resting against the wood on each side of him. When I start to shift my fingers through his hair, he flinches out of habit but instantly relaxes. I start fluffing up different sections. Messing up his hair gives me something to do, it's not because I enjoy how soft said hair is, or whatever shampoo the nub uses. Totally not for those reasons.

I laugh when he speaks. "You know I comb my hair every morning for a reason."

"To make it look dumb? If you would just leave it this way, I wouldn't have to fix it everyday."

He tries to turn to look up at me but I secure my hands against both sides of his head, keeping his attention locked forward before I continue to muse his brown locks.

"Maybe I'll get it all cut off."

I think on this for a moment, mostly of a way to tell him I like his hair the length it is without him making a big deal out of it. "Nah, you'd look like even more of a freak. Just leave it like it is, I guess people will just have to deal with it."

I take my hands out of his hair and lean forward until my face is right next to his, chin resting on his left shoulder. "Besides I don't dig bald guys."

I can feel his grin against my cheek and I stay there for a second before finally pulling back. He takes it as a cue that he's allowed to turn and look at me. Right when he does though, a voice comes yelling our way.

"Hey, Puckett. You don't have gym this period, what are you doing out of class."

That's Coach Irving, making his way over looking like a big tool. I stand up and without emotion say: "Oh dear, this isn't the girls bathroom. I guess I made a wrong turn somewhere."

He gives me a look and I send the look right back at him before placing a hand on Freddie's shoulders "I'll see you at lunch."

Making my way to the doors, I hear behind me.

"Benson, what the hell happened to your hair. You get attacked by a wild animal?"

"Yeah, something like that, Coach."

I grin.


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: **The things I own is a short list and iCarly isn't on said list.

**A/N: **I love you guys, you're all just seriously awesome. I think I'm going to do three more chapters and cap the story off at fifteen. Thanks again for reading.

**Freddie's pov**

"Geez, finally. What, you get lost or some crap?"

After school, Sam and I met up with Carly and Kevin in the parking lot and we all decided to head over to Inside Out Burger to get some food and just hang out, I guess. They all grabbed a booth while I was the one waiting in line for the fries Sam all but ordered me to go get. If we were in a relationship, I would at least feel better about how whipped I apparently am. I look down at the rowdy blonde, my tone costumed with annoyance.

"No I didn't get lost, Sam. I had to wait for them to cook the fries. That's a key part of the whole process and I have no control on how long that takes."

She scoffs. "Likely excuse, Benson."

I roll my eyes when she rips the plate bowl thing from my hands before I even sit down. Girl has the patience of a, well I can't think of a fitting simile. The girl just has no patience. Carly is sitting next to Kevin who has his arm around her. She's staring at me with the usual compassion when I take my seat.

"So Freddie, while you were gone, we were talking about going to see that Kate Hudson movie this weekend. We decided it looked pretty good after all."

"Oh yeah? You _all _decided that?" I arch a brow, glancing at Sam through my peripherals. Something Carly instantly picked up on.

"Yes, we _all_ decided that. We _all_ decided it's my turn to pick the movie."

I reach over for some fries. "I don't remember getting to pick a movie-" Only to have Sam latch onto my hand and try to bend my fingers all the way back before flinging my arm back towards me. "Ow! Sam!"

"You don't get to pick the movies, otherwise we'd be seeing a bunch of geeky sci fi junk and stay away from my fries and that wouldn't happen."

Carly shakes her head. "You can pick next time."

"Thank you, Carly. And technically, they are my fries since I paid for them." I say, reaching for the fries yet again because I'm obviously a masochist. Instantly she latches onto my hand yet again and holds it still, looking at me with a glare.

"Possession is nine tenths of the law, try that again and you are going to lose a finger."

She releases her grip and I hold my hand to my chest, rubbing at the sore flesh while sighing. Kevin leans over into Carly's ear and while I'm sure Sam can't hear what he says due to the frightening noises she makes while eating, I can.

"So they really are like this all the time, huh?"

Carly just nods, looking over at the two of us with an odd look on her face. No one says anything for a moment before all of a sudden, Carly stands up, gaze entirely fixed on Sam now. "Sam, I have to go to the restroom."

"Yeah? Thanks for the bulletin."

Carly gives her a pointed look, one totally lost on Sam. "Why do you come with me?"

"Uh because I don't need to go? Go by yourself, chica."

"I'd really rather you come with me." My brunette friend pushes the words out through gritted teeth and I'm just confused as all hell. I can tell Kevin is too while we both watch whatever was going on in front of us. Apparently Sam finally gets the picture.

"Ugh, fine." She's sluggish when stands up but not in leaning over at me, grabbing onto my face with her greasy hand. "If I see one fry gone or out of place, I'mma toss you in the fryer to see how long it takes for you to cook. Got me? Good."

She pats me on the cheek before moving away with Carly and disappearing around the corner. I watch them go before looking back over to the other male at the table. Kevin is kind of staring at me with a grin and all I can think to say is "Her teasing borders on homicidal sometimes."

"I can see that." He's still grinning and I feel like groaning.

"What as Carly told you?

"Pretty much everything. Don't blame her though, we decided we wanted no secrets in the relationship."

I tilt my head to the side, thinking on the information. "I hardly see how what Sam and I do would affect your relationship but I guess I can't fault her for wanting to tell you stuff. Sam abusing me is just as big a part of her life as it is mine."

"She really pushes your buttons, huh." He muses and all I do is nod back.

"One way to put it, yeah."

So we sit there for the next few minutes in a comfortable silence, nether really having anything to say and both okay with that. I stare off into the wall in front of me while he seems to be looking through something on his cell phone. That goes on for however long before the girls return. Sam makes it to the table first, sitting down and picking up her (my) plate of fries. After inspection, she smirks.

"Awh, someone listened. You know what, here. I'll part with this tiny gimp fry that shouldn't really be allowed to exist among these greater, more flavorful fries." She pauses, looking as if a light bulb had just lit up over her head. "Wow, that was like a metaphor for your life huh, Freddo."

"Welcome back." Kevin says, taking Carly under his arm again.

"Thanks, sweetie."

"What'd you guys talk about?"

This causes both Carly and Sam to look at one and other at the same time, something incriminating behind their eyes before they say together. "Nothing."

Yeah that was believable. I guess not wanting us to think on it, Carly turns the tide. "How about you two?

This time Kevin and I look at one and other and even though we really did talk about nothing, for the first time ever, we connected and were on the same page when we mocked their look and expression while saying.

"Nothing."

* * *

Kevin left after Inside Out, seems his family actually wanted to spend time with him or something crazy like that. We got to the Shay's apartment maybe fifteen minutes from that point, and then preceded to waste the night away doing the usual stuff. Went up to the studio and threw around some ideas, watched some funny videos on the internet for a little inspiration. Spencer made some tacos san spaghetti much to everyone's disappointment (don't judge him by that though, he's just working with that was actually in the kitchen and not already consumed by Sam). After that was a movie or two in the living room, before both the Shays wussed out and went to shower and sleep which left Sam and myself still lounging around, watching the tv.

She's sitting in the middle of the couch, and I'm on the floor in front of her, her legs on both sides of me (a sort of recreation from earlier today) while I sit in an Indian position because before Carly and Spencer had taken up residence on the newly open sides of the piece of furniture. I'm too tired to get up though so we continue on in the same spots, eyes locked in front of us watching some romance movie from the 1940s on a random movie channel. Which is pretty mind boggling considering Sam is the one with the remote.

"Sam, why are we watching this?"

"Because, I don't know. It's this or _'who wants to be a millionaire' _and if I'm not the one winning money, I don't want to watch some nubs who are."

"But you also get to watch people answer easy questions wrong and lose their money."

She seems to ponder this for a second before changing the channel to the game show. "Fair enough, Benson. Fair enough."

Silence resumes and consumes, filtering around us while we watch the show, the trivia just lost in translation due to the late hour. I can feel my eyes starting to gloss over a bit while I invert inside of my head, to where my thoughts transpire and plague me minute by minute. Even though I'm not quite sure where I stand, I feel like I'm getting closer to the finish line. Like I'm finally able to touch, reach out towards what had once been assumed unattainable. Everyday feels like a step forward, however small and measured they may be.

I feel her hand bop the top of my head. "What are you thinking so hard about?"

"Stuff."

She chuckles from behind me. "You know you're an open book, Fredward."

"Am not." I retort without much conviction while turning to look at her, this being the second time a person has told me that.

"Yeah, you are. It's not your fault though, just means you can never really gamble and that's not that bad. You can follow behind and hold mama's winnings for her."

I don't really want to bring down the mood and end the banter she seems willing to start up but sometimes I get the best of myself and can't leave well enough alone. "Things are changing, right? I'm not making stuff up in my head, right?"

"Maybe they are."

"Maybe?"

She takes a long pause and I wait in the suspense laced with what could be dread before she finally tosses out. "Yeah, things are changing, Benson."

"Good or bad thing?"

Another ungodly long instance. "Good."

"Okay, well since change is a good thing, the kind of change we have anyway. I was thinking, maybe we could go out on a date or-" Her eyes narrow in the slightest and I'm quick to backpedal. "Date was the wrong word. I didn't mean to say that, or phrase it that way. What I meant was would you like to hang out tomorrow. Just the two of us, you know doing something not boring. We could go grab some food because I know you like food. Not that I have to tell you that, you obviously know you like food. Everyone does. But we could go get some food and then do something else, I don't know something fun an-"

She finally interrupts me, putting her hand out in the air as if to signal me to shut up and I'm more than thankful to. "Yeah, yeah. Stop babbling, you know too many words coming at me too fast gives me a migraine." She shakes her head, as if to get rid of the aforementioned pain before locking her eyes back with focus, studying me for the brief second. "Yeah, we can hang tomorrow. I pick the restaurant though, for some reason I think you have it in your head to pick somewhere with a dress code and a menu not in English."

"As long as it's not sushi." I swallow down the unmanly like squeal threatening to emit from my throat, containing my excitement but only barely. Sam flat out agreed to basically a date and I didn't even have to trick her or anything. Which was good because I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be able to pull one over on her anyway.

"I don't know, raw meat really sets the mood for me."

My turn to shake my head as I turn back around and look forward to the tv, not even bothering to take in the actual images affluent and changing on the screen. Play it cool. "Then I'll tie a steak around my neck, just no sushi."

"You're no fun." She grinned, her voice heavy with mock disappointment.

"Hey, I'm fun!"

"Well, maybe fun to beat up on." I'm caught off guard when I feel both her arms fall over my shoulders, crossing at the forearm with hands dangling freely down my chest. We stay like this, in a loose hug for a moment or so before all of a sudden her grip tightens and the hug had instantly been transformed into a sort of headlock slash sleeper hold. I lift a hand and pull at her arms, reaching for room to breath but not finding an inch. With words in a struggling pace, I groan out:

"Cut it out, lady.

Astonishingly she does, letting the embrace return back to it's originally good-natured form. After taking in large amounts of air, I lean my head back against the sofa cushion between her legs. A strong look of irritation gracing my features as I look up at her face. She speaks first.

"What? I thought you wanted to show how fun you are."

"I find you really annoying."

"Well, that must suck since you seem to be in love me." There is a light grin holding steady to her lips as she leans over even further, letting her long blond locks fall around my face; shielding our faces from the rest of the living room, apartment, and the world. The scent of her shampoo adding a fragrant to the air. A smile tries to twitch onto my face despite the agreement I reached with my brain that we'd play it cool.

"It really does."


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: **Broke like a bad joke, own nothing.

**A/N: **Chapter includes both points of view. As always, thanks for reading.

**Sam pov**

I'm currently skipping history again, so what. I'm hiding inside the study hall building with Carly because the only thing study hall is good for, is skipping and sleeping. I don't know what nut job came up with the idea of study hall and thought that kids would use it as intended. Especially me, seeing how Mr. Cannon couldn't give a crap what we do as long as there are no fights and he doesn't have to stop reading his book. I shift in my seat for comfort, leaning back while putting my feet up on the top of the empty chair in front of me. Cheap ass school couldn't even spring for cushioned seats or anything, this wasn't comfortable at all. I move again, putting my hands behind my head and looking up to the ceiling above but instead of closing my eyes for sleep, I just stare at the blank white canvas and ignore the brunette girl at my side staring at me.

I'm not sweating tonight. I refuse to be nervous or to worry about it, over think it. It's just going to be another night in a long succession of nights. So what if I happen to be going out with Freddie to dinner and whatever else. We've gone out to dinner before, we go to Inside Out all the time. It's totally the same so why anticipate something that happens all the time right? You shouldn't so I'm not. I don't even know why I bothered mentioning it to Carly. It just slipped my mind that I'd be opening a big can of worms. I finally look over and her cheeks are slightly pink, eyes wide with excitement. She looks like a little kid and or Spencer on Christmas morning with a big pile of wrapped gifts in front of her.

"Oh my God! This is huge." She squeals out in a slightly hushed tone which causes me to sigh, looking over at her with my best bored look.

"This is why I've stopped telling you things, this isn't huge."

"Yes it is- wait, what have you not told me? You better not be not telling me stuff."

I shake my head, waving my hand in the air for a second. "I was joking, Shay."

"Well, good." She paused for a nod and I could see the enthusiasm return in full force. "Anyway, like I said, this is totally huge."

"No it's not."

She's grinning like a cheshire cat. "Is too."

"Freddie and I are just going to hang out, get some food. We've done that tons of times."

"Yeah but not in this context! Things are changing! You don't even realize you just called him Freddie. You never call him that. It's always dork, nerd, Fredpuke, Fredweird, little girl." She's bouncing up and down slightly and while I'm impressed with the name _Fredpuke_, which I don't think is really one of mine but I bank it inside my head for later taunting anyway, I'm more annoyed at how she's trying to dissecting everything. Something I am actively avoiding.

"That doesn't mean anything. So I called the nub by his real name, it's not like he's around or some crap to hear it."

Then out of no where this chick, Courtney who sits in front of Carly turns around and pushes her fake nose into our business. "Can you guys stop talking, or keep it down? This is study hall, some people are trying to actually study. You aren't even suppose to be in here, Puckett."

"Yeah, well here I am and no we can't so either turn around and shut your face or you are going to be doing the rest of your studying in the nurses office." I sneer back at her, putting my feet down and leaning forward over towards her, cracking my knuckles. Luckily for Courtney, while she may be an bland tart, she's not entirely stupid and decides backing off might be in her best interest. When she turns back around, I look over to Carly who is wearing that same aggravating smile on her face. I'm like two seconds away from wiping it clear off.

"You know, in most cultures, when a boy and a girl go out for dinner and some sort of activity. Well, It's called a date."

I groan. "Carls, don't call it that. You're making my stomach hurt."

"That's what Freddie thinks it is."

"Who cares what that dork thinks it is." I shrug, trying to make my voice as apathetic as possible with pretty good results. I thought anyway, until I hear Carly murmur under her breath.

"You."

The word causes my lips to tense against one and other into a straight line and I think Carly finally gets the picture. The grin is gone and I watch her with a fixed stare as she places her hand on my shoulder, voice honest. "He makes you happy, I just want to see you happy. I want to see the both of you happy."

Awh man, that's not fair. She knows I can't fight with her when she's giving me that look. That caring, concerned look that always overtakes her face when she's really serious about something. I tilt my head to side while we stare at one and other and it probably might have gone on forever if not for the bell ringing all around us. Slowly, we both look away. While she's packing up her notebook, I get to my feet and jerk my head towards the door.

"Come on, lets go to lunch."

She nods with a small smile and we head towards the said doors and then out into the frenzied hallway, where kids were scattering every which way. The two of us walk in silence for a minute or so before I finally look over at her, tearing my eyes from the tile below. "Watch what you say, by the way. Boy could be listening around any corner with his elephant ears. Last thing I need is for him to develop an ego or think he has any control over me."

"So you're saying he has control over you?" She grins.

"I'm saying my best friend needs to keep her mouth shut unless she wants me to go to her boyfriend and start spilling dirty secrets."

"You wouldn't." She looks horrified because she knows just how much I know about her so all I do is return her grin from earlier, putting my arm around her shoulders to lead us to the café.

"Mama don't bluff."

**

* * *

**

**Freddie's pov**

"We actually saw that Kate Hudson movie last weekend."

We're sitting on the bleachers next to the football field, Gibby and I. We're watching a game of flag football in session. I played for a bit but my head wasn't in it and I was almost tackled into the ground despite it being **flag** football because I wasn't watching where I was going. At that point, I took myself out of the game and came over here, started chatting it up with Gibby. I turn to look over at the kid, question in my eyes and voice. "Yeah? How was it?"

"Pretty much designed for chicks. It was kind of funny, I guess."

"Well, Carly should be happy." I muse unhelpfully with a shrug, eyes drifting back off towards the field. Tonight I was going out to dinner and something with Sam and I am pretty much a ball of nerves for two reasons. One, I was going out with Sam tonight. And two, I still hadn't thought of a good activity. One she would like at least. She's a tough girl to plan for. Anyway, apparently I've gone into a familiar state of coma when Gibby's questioning voice hit's the air around me.

"Thinking about the date? You look like you're going to puke."

"I'm trying not to freak out but tonight is going to be a big step. Not sure how I know that but I do. I can feel it. And let me tell you, it feels terrifying." I pull in a deep breath in effort to calm myself but fat luck that did.

"So what are you going to do? Where you gonna take her after dinner?"

"I still have no idea. I've been trying to come up with something she'll like but my mind just goes blank and I stare around like an idiot waiting for an idea to come out of nowhere."

That gets a laugh out of him. One he at least looks ashamed of when I turn to stare at him. "I don't envy you."

"Yeah. It's hard trying to court a girl like Sam. None of the standard rules apply. It's like right when you decide that she's the one you want, you might as well forget every movie or book you've ever read that was about romance and girls because it's not going to get you anywhere." I lift a hand to run through my hair, trying to magically smooth away all the confusion. "I'm running around like a chicken with it's head cut off trying to figure out the right things to say and do with blind faith that I'm on the right track."

"Seems like you are doing alright, you got her to agree to go out on a date."

"I got her to agree to go _out _anyway." Our roles become reversed. He shrugs and I laugh humorlessly while leaning back into the next row of bleachers. "I need to stop complaining, you have to be tired of hearing my woes."

"Nah, it's cool dude. You're my friend, I wanna do what I can to help. And plus, it makes me feel better about any problems I have."

"Oh good, glad I can at least do that for you." I retort back at him with good natured sarcasm.

"If you want, man, Jenny and I can come with. We could make it a double date."

"As much as I appreciate it, I just wouldn't be able to live with myself putting you in harms way, which you would undoubting be in when Sam finally realized it was a double date."

He takes a second to really think about my statement while looking at me. "Do you think she would actually kill me, right in front of my girlfriend?"

"Without a doubt or pause."

"Well, guess I'll be there for you in spirit." He pats me on the back.

"Thanks."

The background noise of the world fills up the space where silence would come at this point and we just sit there, watching the game. Despite the crisis at hand, I make plans to think of a way to show Gibby how grateful I am for his friendship because just having another guy to talk to takes some edge off, however small it is and he's been here for me every time I've needed to talk, always with reassurance. And as if he heard my thoughts, he speaks.

"You go nothing to worry about, you managed to get this far."

"Yeah." I let a tiny half smile grow right before the bells rings out from the speakers attached to the field. Time for lunch. Which was code for time to spend half an hour with Sam. After a second or two, I get to my feet, turning towards Gibby. "Let's get going, you know the last guys in the locker room have to gather up all the towels."

"That cart is probably the most disgusting thing I've ever been thrown inside of."

Both of us shudder at the same time while I nod in agreement. Sam had thrown us both into that cart at one point or another during our high school career and I can confirm Gibby's claims. That cart is indeed the most disgusting thing to be thrown inside of. We both move down the steps and head towards the gym, a debate about galaxy wars sparking up.

**A/N:** This was just two short encounters for both Sam and Freddie before the big night. Next chapter is the last one and I'm doing my best to really go for it and make it full and complete, and not to fluffy (despite how it might want to end up that way.)


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: **I don't own iCarly.

**Freddie's pov**

I swallow back the bile in my throat as I stand in the hallway, staring at the Shay's apartment door for the last seven minutes. Every time I would go to knock, I just couldn't get my balled up fist to actually meet the wooden frame and I'd let it drop back down. Fight the worry and nausea in my stomach with claims and reminders that this is what I wanted. I asked her out tonight, I wanted to do this. I've been telling myself that I need to just man up and knock before the whole night is over already. And finally, the wizard of Oz does grant me the courage and I tap the lumber three times.

Looking up from the carpet when the door opens, it's not Sam I see but Carly, wearing a bright smile. "Hey, Freddie! Come on in!"

I don't fight it as she drags me inside and closes the door. I stand there awkwardly, looking around for a certain blonde but not finding her. My brunette friend in turn is watching me with this knowing look that is kind of creeping me out. My hands find my pockets and I rock back and forth on my heels before speaking.

"So… where's Sam?"

"She's in the bathroom. She'll be down in a minute or so."

I just nod while she continues.

"So where you guys going after dinner?"

"Uh, just somewhere."

"Somewhere like…?"

"Just somewhere." I answer uneasily. Carly doesn't seem satisfied with the information given but before she can ask anything more, Sam comes floating down the stairs. Okay, more like barreling down the steps but love makes you see things differently, alright?

Somewhere in my head, I thought she might doll herself up for tonight. That Carly might get to her or something but she looks like she always does. Tee shirt over a long sleeved one, cargo pants and bright converses. Unruly locks all over the place. She looks like Sam Puckett and I'm more than grateful for that because that's who I'm smitten with, not anyone other version or anyone else. She's in front of me before I even realize it, snapping her fingers.

"Hey, yo! You there, Benson?"

"Huh? Oh yeah, you ready?" The words stumble out and it causes her to send me a really hard stare before out of nowhere, she grabs my shirt, clumping it up in her hand and she leans forward, causing our lips to meet.

The kiss is aggressive and rough; A distinct burn, a living pulse between us. It's very much her as she places her hand on the back of my head, pulling us closer together, deepening it for only a second before as fast as it happened, it was over and I'm left standing here with this lost, dazed look on my face. It kind of mirrors the one that Carly, who is standing on the top step of the stairs now, has on her face. Sam, well she just has a smirk on her face, an accomplished look even.

"There, got that out of the way. Let's go, nerdboy." I'm thankful when she grabs onto my wrist and starts pulling me to the door because I haven't yet gain motor functions back. As she is pushing me through the open barrier, she calls back out to Carly.

"Keep the door unlocked but don't wait up, Carls. I'll either be back really early or really late."

* * *

After I got over the shock of the kiss, I calmed down a bit. It was kind of nice to get it out of the way, as Sam put it. She picked this really cool '50s diner in walking distance to eat at. I offered to drive anyway but all she said was that it was a nice night out and I could use the exercise. Then she poked me in the gut which I found annoying, but not as annoying as her grin. We're currently in a booth in the corner of the joint, next to the jukebox which is playing '_surfing in the USA'_. Sam has the waitress` attention, ordering a burger with an extra side of fries and a cherry coke. I order just a burger and a coke when it's my turn.

"You should probably order two burgers."

"Why would I do that? I'm not that hungry." I send Sam a confused look to match the tone of my voice before returning my gaze back to the waitress. "Just one burger please."

The woman nods and Sam just shrugs. I grab her menu and mine, placing them together and handing them off to the waitress who nods in thanks and moves off to put our orders in. I space out wondering how long the food is going to take and I guess Sam took it as something else, humor in her voice.

"Stare much? You gonna go ask your new girlfriend out?"

"What are you talking about. That lady is like 68." My face is all wrinkled up in disgust which only causes Sam to brighten even more.

"Yeah so? She seems your speed, who am I to stand in the way of true love."

"You're incorrigible."

"Your face is."

Classic Sam response, one I never have anything witty to say back against. What am I suppose to say? '_No, yours'_? Yeah, that's mature. Slight shake of my head and I look around us, taking in all the cool stuff on the walls, the people sitting at the counter top. I look to the table and notice the condiments, the booklet with all the specials in it and finally the pink little packages of sugar in the small black box. I pick one up and hold it between my fingers, looking over to Sam. "You up for a game of sugar packet football?

"Yeah, sure."

She sets up her hands like a goal post, index fingers touching the tips of one and other with each thumb in the air. I hold the package steady between my fingers, closing one eye to focus on the opening between her thumbs. After a second, I give the package a hard flick and it goes sailing over to her, just left of the goal. I grunt and she smirks. While setting up a goal for her, I comment.

"So I was talking to Gibby, he saw that Kate Hudson movie."

She sizing up her shot, concentrating. "Knew that kid was in the closet."

"He saw it with his girlfriend, Sam."

"I said I knew he was in the closet, not that he didn't have a good cover." With that, she gave the tiny object a good flick and sent it flying my way, right between my thumbs. Figures. She gives me this look, one I assume is telling that's how it's done before resetting a goal for me.

"Anyway, he says it's a really girly movie."

"Ugh, Carly is going to love it."

I laugh, flicking the package and actually getting it in this time. "That's what I said."

"You know what? I'm going to not sleep the night before so I can pass out during it and she won't be able to wake me up." She's holding the sugar packet in hand but not making a move to continue the game, she's just looking over at me.

"That's a terrible plan."

"Shut up, you don't know anything."

I shrug. "Just saying, if you're passed out, who am I going to mock the movie with."

"Well, I do enjoy a good mocking." She pauses, thinking it over before finally flicking the packet over and scoring another goal. "Two to one, maybe I'll reconsider the passing out."

"Though if you pass out, at least I won't have to waste a grand at the concession stand."

"Who told you that? Even if I am sleeping through the crap, we are still stocking up. We'll put it in doggy bags."

I look at her through squinted eyes, trying to figure out where she came to that bizarre resolution. "The theater doesn't have doggy bags."

"Okay, fine, you got pockets. Samething."

* * *

Dinner went by smoothly, we played football, we talked about the usual crazy stuff. Our food came and we ate. Or well, I ate half my burger before Sam stole the rest. After that I paid and we left. I kept expecting Sam to ask where we were going but she never did. Not until this moment, as we finally arrive at my desired location.

"The park, Benson?"

Her voice holds in a mixture of question and something else I can't put my finger on. Both of us have come to a stop right under the stone gate, existing in both the avenue and the park at the same time. I give a tiny nod followed by a shrug, answering back in a light hearted tone. "Yeah, why? What's your beef with the park?"

"I ain't got any. It's an alright place." She's biting down on her tongue, I can tell. She looked on the verge of smiling openly but that wasn't her style so in the end it was repressed for the moment. That's fine, I'll get one out of her at one point.

"Well good then, come on."

And we start moving again, following the paved pathway littered with trees and flowers on each side. It was like walking into a memory, something familiar about the scene and movements. The park just seemed like the most fitting place to go, I don't know. Sneaking a look out the corner of my eye at the blonde beside me, she seems content to be lost in the silence and newly developing warmth of the night. She's obvious; focused. She's everything that keeps me up at night and has my heart racing like I've just done ten laps in under a minute. She's herself. She's just herself.

At this point, I bring myself back out of my head. The point of the night was spending time with her, not my thoughts. Turning my head and looking completely over at her while we continue on, I start up small talk despite knowing her distaste for it. "That diner place was pretty cool."

"Yeah, it's decent. All that '50s crap is pretty interesting to look at. The burgers are awesome."

"The half of one I had was pretty awesome, yeah." I fix her with a look and an affable smirk.

"Hey, I told you to order two burgers didn't I?"

"You could have ordered two burgers instead if you were that hungry."

One corner of her mouth turns upward while she elbows me in the side hard, or gently by Sam's standards. "But I didn't, did I? Lesson learned there."

I shake my head and turn a corner, following a new path. When we finally reach the middle of the park, we come to the fountain and some unknown force causes both of us to slow down. While last time we were here, we walked right past it, this time it seemed the appropriate place to stop and take things in. I come to the edge and look inside to the water below, where all the assorted coins make their resting place before turning around and looking to Sam, who had been standing behind me. I offer a smile, twisting my head to look back at the fountain and then her again.

"This is a pretty nice fountain, you know."

"Oh yeah? And what do you know about fountains?" She asks with a look, tilting her head to the side.

"I'll have you know I've seen a good amount of fountains in my lifetime. A good amount, so many that I consider myself a sort of connoisseur of fountains, if you must know."

"Your nubness knows no bounds, I swear." She says it with a grin, watching me intently when I go to shove my hands in my pockets but falter mid-movement and just drop them back down to my side. Unsure of what to do with them. I look around us, taking in the sight. It's really nice out, the perfect weather. Few more nights like this, along with my rowdy counterpart and the park would establish itself as my favorite place in Seattle.

"It's funny, I spent all day today trying to come up with the perfect place to go after dinner."

"I figured you had."

"I wanted somewhere you would enjoy. I came up with all these places that seemed fun in theory but it wasn't you or me, wasn't us. I was over thinking it. Once I got to that conclusion and I just took a breath and opened my brain up, the park came to mind in two very distinctly nice memories. I figured if we had to have a place, this would probably be it. At this point, anyway." I muse out loud in all honesty, very candid as we stand here, the simple magnificence of the landscape taking backseat to her beauty. She's looking at the fountain behind me but I can feel the gaze drop over to me every once and while when she shifts her weight from leg to leg.

"Tonight was pretty alright, you know. I wouldn't be against doing something like this again."

I can't help the grin overtaking my face, looking down to the pavement and then back up at her. Taking comfort in the subtle nervous tick of her seemingly nonchalant stance. "So basically, what you are trying to say here and tell me if I am getting this right. What you are trying to say here is that you had a great time tonight and you'd like to do it again."

"Shut up, dork." As the words leave her lips, she smiles and leans forward abruptly trying to send a push my way but amazingly, for the first time ever I was on top of my game and moved to the side when she came at me. It was pretty much instantly I realized what the result of this was going to be. I was standing in front of the fountain, she was moving forward to push me but I moved out of the way so now she's heading straight for the, well, yeah. This was going to turn pretty bloody and wet, pretty quick. Just as fast as I moved out of the way, my arms came to reach around and latch onto her waist as she headed for the water below. I managed to stop and hold her in place a few inches above the cold liquid. Slowly, I set her up right, scared to see her reaction. Her eyes are wide for a moment before narrowing in the slightest right before I felt the hardest pinch on my forearm I've ever experienced in my life causing me to let go.

I watch her, rubbing the tender skin as she straightened herself out. "You just got so lucky there, Benson."

* * *

I watch Sam go inside of Carly's, after sharing another kiss.

Turning the handle, I push the apartment door open and slide into the living room with a step or two. The entire space is dark and once my eyes adjust to the mute color painting the scene, the black dissolves into various shades of blues, all the objects outlined. My movements become the living definition of sluggish, kicking the door closed behind me and moving further inside, past the couch. Mom is working a double tonight, a reason that favored why I choose tonight to take Sam out incase things actually went well and we stayed out for a while. I suppress a yawn while my hand finds the side of my neck, rubbing absently at the flesh there. Navigating through the area, I forgo actually turning on the lights and enter the kitchen.

I'm heavily distracted, the only thing existing in my head was memories from hours before. They didn't just exist, they thrived and flourished in full technicolor. Everything from the sudden and rough kiss she laid on me at the start of the night, all the way to the feeling of her soft skin meeting mine when she let me hold her hold for a block or two on the way home. I was reliving the night and reveling it in. I'd probably end up doing this ten times over before sun breaks out into the sky tomorrow morning and I'm okay with that. It's an ideal way to murder time.

With ease, I pull the fridge door open and guided by instincts reach for the carton of orange juice. Next I move to grab a glass from the cabinet but pause in reflection, just staring into the container as if looking hard enough would pull out a hidden meaning from the material. I hold in that second and then screw the cap off, bringing the object to my lips and taking a gulp; a dedication to the ways of the girl I loved. But quickly after that, I stretch to the cabinet and get out a glass. It's just a more hygienic way to drink juice is all.

I pour the glass and jump up onto the island counter top, looking over to the sink while I take random sips of the drink.

I still think she's a firecracker in every allusion of the simile but I've realized that just because something has the potential to be destructive, it shouldn't be a detour. That the pain and sometimes untimely slaughter can be just a rite into reward. If you aren't willing to sacrifice something, then yeah, whatever you're longing for will be unattainable. You have to take the chance, put yourself in the way of harm and if she doesn't destroy you, she'll build you up because what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger and love is that give and take of hurt and bliss.

I can honestly say that at this point, I wouldn't change a thing.

Well, except for when I almost caused her to crash into the fountain on accident. That would have been a pretty terrible note to end on.

________________________

**A/N: **Since this is the end, I won't feel bad about leaving a crazy long note. So yeah, it's done. This was my first actual fanfic and it wasn't meant to be anything. It was an experiment evolving from a few lines about Sam. I didn't plan on posting the rest of the story, assumed it would just sink into the vaults of the website but all the reviews and encouragement pushed it onward. Giving it a full read over from start to finish, ultimately I'm not happy with it. I think losing what I had written and having to go back rewrite things left chapters strained and a bit bare. I was just starting to work on something else and now I had to come back and redo a full half of the story and I feel like because of it, I didn't do everything I originally set out to do.

You guys make it exciting to write, this fandom for sure has some of the most remarkable and friendly people of any fandom. I'm going to go back to work on this other story and having finally tested the waters, I'm hoping to put out something people will find enjoyable but more so that I can really feel proud of the effort. This is the final thanks to anyone who took the time to read the story and took the time to read this rambling. If you ever want to toss out ideas, or just chat, drop me a line. See ya` later.


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